Neecy's H and OW work for the same company, though now in different locations, but for business-related issues, there IS contact that must take place for business purposes.
What should she do then? Insist on her H quitting his job?
Yes, IF he wants to remain married to her, he must end all contact with OW, and he can't do that if he has regular contact with her. If he doesn't want to work on the marriage, then that's his choice.
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The fact is they work together. Neither is going anywhere, at least not anytime soon. So again, as we've always agreed, it is Neecy's choice, and I believe she's somewhat ok with the type of contact that is currently taking place - business contact. From what she's been able to determine thus far, that is as far as it has gone.
Unfortunately, her husband will never get over the OM as long as he has contact -- ANY kind of contact -- with her. His brain chemicals don't distinguish between romantic contact and business contact, or even NEGATIVE contact. Contact is contact, and the withdrawal process that he needs to go thru in order to get over her will never start so long as he's in contact with her. That's not my opinion -- it's a physiological fact.
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Sooo.....Should Neecy go around everyday believing, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" or that "all cheaters lie"? Should she go through her days constantly thinking, "What is he doing right now?", "Is he talking to her?", "I just know he's doing SOMETHING wrong"..??
The point I'm trying to make is this: Sometimes one SHOULD REALLY TRY to give their S the benefit of the doubt, even if they don't particularly act like they deserve it. Personally, I do not see this as "wishful thinking". I see it as a way to STOP NEGATIVE THINKING which will drive anyone crazy.
What's the saying?.....Hope for the best but expect the worst.
I prefer Ronald Reagan's line about the Soviets: "Trust, but verify."
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Neecy CAN do what she wants, and no one should try to convince her to do otherwise. We can forewarn her so to speak, but we should also give her the positive support she would greatly appreciate. We ought to just BE THERE for her. Give advice when she asks for it and NOT get bothered if/when she's not doing it OUR way or as we suggested.
It doesn't bother me at all, GF. Neecy's a big girl, and she's free to accept or reject ANY of the advice she gets, on this board or elsewhere. All I can do is share the benefit of my knowledge of affairs, and my own experience. And she HAS been asking for advice -- daily. If mine bothers you, that's your issue, not mine.
I'm coming at this from the perspective of reading what Neecy has shared with all of us, and what seems to have worked -- and NOT worked -- for her, and then based on my own experience and knowledge, give her help as best I can. When I see things I think she's doing well, I'm one of her biggest cheerleaders. When I disagree, and see her doing things that in my opinion have been part of the problem, I say so.
We don't ANY of these folks any favors when we simply rubber-stamp their efforts and agree with them and offer e-hugs.
