No way have you offended me! Its true middle-aged men that don't come with too much baggage are in high demand! I think the appeal is that you have already been house trained! Ha ha!! I know you guys want to stand for your marriages now (which again shows what amazing men of character you are) but when and if the time comes, you guys will have plenty of options!
If we could just devise some sort of pre-dating test that separates the people that will stick at a relationship in the hard times, and those that will walk away! Then everyone would be happy!
It's really touch Bruce, I have three, 12-15-18. The 15 and 18 year old are being very quite yet suffering in school. S12 is just starting to act out. I love them so much!
I swore to myself that I wouldn't post to you anymore because it seems as though you have already made the decision to move on.
You started posting here 2 1/2 months ago and already you have decided you are done and are moving on.
You are already discusing new relationships.
This really confuses me because you are supposedly so in love with your wife and want your Marriage restored but you have no idea how to actually stand.
There are no greener pastures right now.
There is now way you will be ready to begin a new relationship with anyone until you have actually healed fro this one and after such a long Marriage it is going to take you years.
BT so are you really done now?
Going forwards with the Divorce?
P.S. Please don't take Marital advice from your friend Fish, he just flushed his down the toilet and I would hate to see you following in his footsteps.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I am not talking about new relationships in that way. My wife is set on the big D and in NJ that's all that matters. I will not be taking advcise from anyone for noone knows what is going on between my ears (not even me). I would do anything to save my marriage but it just seems like there is no hope. She is so angry she can not even bare the site of me.
Unfortunitly we are heading toward the big D but that is not in my control. I have made no decision to move on but when your W goes out everyother night it's hard to keep the effort up.
I am not ready to begin a new relationship but she already has many months ago.
Thanks for your thoughts and no I have not given up yet.
Essie: Thanks for your kind words! You are very sweet to share them. We all need to hear some kind words regularly, and I hope you are right about the options!
Tree and I are not ready for new relationships, but I am convinced part of abandonment recovery is to take a good, hard look at the reality of the situation and face reality as it is, not what I wish for. My W has said she wants a D and has not given any sign in eight months of willingness to even begin a conversation about our R. Maybe I've failed to approach her in the right way. Eight months is still short by some standards on this board, but it doesn't strike me as a trivial amount of time either. I feel I've learned a lot about myself, love, and life in general, and I am hopeful that I will get a chance someday to have a deep, loving, intimate relationship with a woman, something far better than what I had before. I know there's danger in rushing into things--one way people deal with abandonment is to act too quickly in seeking a new R. Another way is to avoid a new R out of fear of repeating the abandonment. The key is to take the risk anyway, for the rewards with the right person seem to be potentially quite beautiful.
Last year a friend of mine decided that she was done with her Marriage.
She sounded very much like your Wife.
In the whole time I had known her she never complained about her Husband, and then suddenly she turned 40, her Father died and she flipped out.
I was thinking about her this morning, and I thought of you.
I remember she was playing this somg over and over in her car.
Free, free, set them free Free, free, set them free Free, free, set them free
If you need somebody Call my name If you want someone You can do the same If you want to keep something precious You got to lock it up and throw away the key If you want to hold onto your possession Dont even think about me
If you love somebody If you love someone If you love somebody If you love someone, set them free Set them free Set them free Set them free
If its a mirror you want Just look into my eyes Or a whipping boy Someone to despise Or a prisoner in the dark Tied up in chains you just cant see Or a beast in a gilded cage Thats all some people ever want to be
If you love somebody If you love someone If you love somebody If you love someone, set them free Set them free Set them free Set them free
You cant control an independent heart Cant tear the one you love apart Forever conditioned to believe that we cant live We cant live here and be happy with less So many riches So many souls With everything we see that we want to possess
If you need somebody Call my name If you want someone You can do the same If you want to keep something precious You got to lock it up and throw away the key You want to hold onto your possession Dont even think about me
If you love somebody If you love someone If you love somebody If you love someone, set them free Set them free Set them free Set them free Set them free
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Bruce, you are singing right on key for my sitch. I do love my wife so much it hurts everyday but she is so angry, mean and discusted with me I don't feel it is repairable. I love my kids more and they will be so hurt by this but she can not see this. She just wants to go out at night and be "Fun Sally".
BND, how do I set her free besides giving her the D?
Story: Defining moment:
We were at Lax last night for S12 and she stood over in corner of the field by herself and texted the whole time. My son played great, scored a beautiful goal and had some great passes. She missed all of it. Sooooooooo, I was standing by all my long time friends and one buddy had just come in from a golf trip and had not seen his wife for three days. When she saw him she stood/jumped up, started clapping and calling his name and ran over and gave him the biggest hug and kiss. They talked and watched their son for the rest of the game. Everyone saw this. It was kind of like in the old films when you see two lovers running from opposite ends of the beach in slow motion and meet in the middle and hug and kiss by the ocean, like a love story. I had to excuse myself and started crying so hard.
I realized at that moment, as my wife was standing alone texting some guy, that I would never have that type of relationship with her again. My old wife is never coming back.
I need to find happiness outside of her. I deserve so much more than the crap that I have been getting. Life is so short and I have so much to give. I want to start giving again.
