Well, once again, I don't want to bore everyone with my mundane life...but things have once again taken a bad turn. My poor W is having a hell of a time. Which means, so am I.

We were talking on the phone as I drove home tonight. She started in with how I was sending mixed messages...I had "set her free" (Dobson Letter) but I was acting as if I still wanted her. Last night at the wine event, we were all lovey-dovey, then we ML at her place, she told me she loved me at least twice, we cuddled affectionately in bed...who is sending the mixed messages here???

Of course I agreed with her, yes honey I guess I am sending mixed messages...I'm new at this and I'm confused about my feelings too, sorry.

I told her I do want her...I just wasn't waiting by the door for her to come home any more. But that doesn't change the fact that I prefer that we are together!

She said 'but you set me free....it's supposed to be if I come back I was yours...if not then I never was'.

I said 'are you saying that you want to be free?'

'I guess I am' she said.

'So are you saying you are definitely moving on, that you feel there is no hope whatsoever?' I asked

'I'm feeling that way' she said.

'What about the ML...isn't that an indicator that there is something worth exploring?' I asked.

'Well it is very very nice, but sometimes I feel like you're just my f**k buddy'

Ouch.

I said well, you better think long and hard before making a decision like this, that will affect the rest of your life.

She said she doesn't know where I got the idea that we were reconciling, in her mind she was always moving on. I refrained from reminding her that just last night she said she was on the fence...leaning my way. She wouldn't remember anyway.

She has said a ton of things in the past 3 months that left no doubt in my mind that she was considering getting back with me.

'We can talk more tomorrow' she said.

We hung up.

It's now 2 hours later...she called 'just checking in' she said, 'are you OK?'. I'm fine, I said. I was definitely not talkative, just don't feel like talking to her right now. She is not playing fair.

I know it isn't over until the fat lady sings, but this is pretty discouraging. I have so much to offer, and I just want to offer it to her...but she's not buying.