Thanks Sandi! I almost forgot ot check for replies. Everything you said makes so much sense and gives me that extra boost I need at a time like this.
The W left for the Gym and a quick stop at a dept. store over 3 hours ago. Seh had her gym clothes and bag with her, but she also had make up and her hair done, which she usually never does to go to a yoga class and a run. She still isn't back, but I am not going to call her, I am going to give her the time she said she needs.
We talked for about 45 min this morn. after I got home from work. A good talk as things are going right now. She wanted to know if I was still making appointments at the C, and of course I am. She also asked a few more ?'s about the A, and if I was being completely honest, and of course I am.
We had a huge fight Sat. about her staying out all night or coming home at odd/late hours. Both of us said some ugly things to one another, and after giving it little to no thought I know that if I ever want to recover my W's love I can not fight with her like that agian. Nohting is accomplished but pushing her further away than she already is. No more sarcastic remarks, no more telling her something is none of her business. None of that BS ever again.
As for the matter of her being with OM, I don't know for sure that she is, but common sense says otherwise. I'll admit that it is killing me inside, but if you are right that my W actions are out of revenge, than she is doing a great job of it. I hope she is thinking of me if she is with him.
One of the other things that really hurt my W about the A is the fact that the OW was not the best looking, or had the greatest physique in the world. My W is in a struggle with her self over her appearance. She is going to be 34 in a couple of weeks and does everything she can to as she says "Not look old", but my W is beautiful and is just getting better looking the more mature she gets. She is self concious about her weight, and when she saw the OW she asked herself if it even mattered that she try to keep herself in shape for me since I would go out and fins someone who was heavier than she is.
I am so sorry for everything I have put my W through over the last year. I could not even begin to explain how ashamed, embarrassed, and sad I am for doing what I did. I just hope that some time soon my lovely beautiful W will let me poor my heart out to her, and she will begin to accept my apology.
I just want another chance to be the man she deserves, not the man she has known over the last 18 months.
