A couple of days ago I asked my W the question, If it wasn't for the affair would you still want to leave me? Her reply was "No, everything was so good for the last yearand that what makes you having an affair that much harder."
Hearing her response just about kills me. Because everything was going so well and she was so in love with me, but I could betray her the way I did. I am so ashamed of myself for doing what I did.
She has also told me how could she ever trust me again, when I had her so convinced that I was not cheating. The only response I have for that is that it will be a life long mission for me to never betray your trust again. Unfortunately she doesn't want anything to do with the M right now.
I will continue to work on me, to improve who I am and who I can be for my W and kids. I always seem to put myself first, in some instances that is not the worst thing in the world to do, but other times it is completely selfish, we are a family and I am going to do everything I can to keep my family whole.
My C and I are going to begin a new type of therapy to get into all of my self defeating attitudes and why I sabotage good things in my life, i.e. my marriage. The therapy is going to be emotinal for as explained by my C, but how much more emotional of an event can ther be than being involved in an A, having your wife start an A because of my A, and then tell me she is leaving me. I say bring it on.
Like I said in a past post "It anit over till it's over!"
