I have been wondering for many days where you have been and how you have been. I am so glad to see you pop back up on the board! It sounds like you have had lots of baby steps!!!! You are doing a good job!!
One thing you said caught my eye, about H recognizing he needed to be happy with himself first. Something shifted in me a couple weeks ago, & instead of praying only for my B to return, I started praying lots of prayers just for different parts of his life to improve and fall into place. It really helped me to readjust that way. I think it sounds like H is readjusting himself a little that way!!
Just when you think you're taking a baby step forward....you take several back...
I can't really figure it out.....sometimes it seems like he is really trying to get a grip on his life, his job, us,....he's kind of reconnecting with the kids more.....then he slips back into another dimension...tonight he's really depressed....taking a nap because he's so exhausted....that came outta nowhere! Sometimes I can totally believe what he's saying....he believes it....other times, he's a complete liar...it's obvious!
I'm so tired of having to be the "strong" one and hold things together. I'm tired of crying, tired of being put in this position.....I'm doubting myself and whether this is going to work out the way I want it to! Maybe it's just me....maybe I'm losing my strength.....I need someone to smack me with a 2x4 and encourage me to keep going.
I'm working on a 180....not emailing or calling H on the phone....trying to be more mysterious about where I'm going or when I'll be home.
I'm working on GAL....some, not enough I know. Going to see Leatherheads at the movies tomorrow during the day (I'm off work tomorrow)...by myself.... went to lunch with a girlfriend, had my hair done (I'm letting it grow and so I'm learning new ways to style it). Have been invited to lunch by two different guys at work...but politely declined...they don't know H and I are having problems....so it was weird that they asked me to join them for lunch...we are friends, so maybe it was just a friendly gesture, but it's weird that they both asked on the same day!? Maybe it was some kind of inside joke that I didn't get. I've know them both for almost 7 years.
T: I've been praying for H to find happiness, to find contentment in his life, to open his eyes to see the truth, to learn to love himself more....I've been asking God to bless us with his presence, comfort and protect us, give us strength to face our challenges everyday. Grant me patience and strength to stand.....there are so many things I pray for other than that H will find his way back to me.....I have even been praying for MOW and her H to be able to strengthen their M and become happier together (so that she'll leave my H in the dust). I know if she wasn't in the picture, things may be better....but H still isn't happy with himself and it doesn't guarantee that he will stay with me.
Anyway, I'm rambling...sorry this is so long and tedious.
I'm still catching up on everyone's threads.....
Please know that each and every one of you are special, none of us deserves to be here, but thank goodness we have all found each other, support each other and comfort one another..
God Bless!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
you are not long and tedious at all!! This is a much needed and long awaited update. I'm sorry, you are totally ahead of me on diversifying your prayers!! You completely didn't need any tips from anyone on that one!!
I am really glad to hear about your GALing. What would you be interested in doing on a more regular basis? I think a while ago you mentioned a cooking class or something of that sort? Was I imagining that?
i am very excited about the new hairstyle and lunch with your GF!
BA darling you are being so strong. All I can think of is that this is really not about you... I am praying for your patience and strength also!!
BA asked me to tell all of her DB friends hi! (Yes, we are outlaws, and communicate off the board.) She is struggling, and doesn't have the energy to come on the boards right now. You know how she tries to support everyone she can, and she can't do it right now.
I don't want to say too much, since it isn't my place. But she wanted me to say "hi" to Lisa, and Transformer, and the rest of you that have followed her regularly. I'll ask her if she wants me to post anything else about her sitch. I think I'll also encourage her to get on here and get some support, without worrying about whether she has the energy to provide any.
Thanks Jeff for posting to my thread...I am so sorry everyone...I have been so distracted. I've kind of lost my focus and am trying to get it back. Things are not going well at our house...the ups and downs are killing me. Last Wed. H said he wanted to work on us...then changed his mind Thursday...and the weekend was absolutely horrible. My kids both came home for mother's day which was nice...but they are back up at school...finals week. S21 graduates Friday and family will start arriving on Wed. so I have a full week ahead of me.
I am trying to stay positive, but have been getting sucked into H's world and it's hard to get back out! My faith is shaken and I need to re-read DB to get back on track. I know it's not over until it's over...but H is threatening to move out after S's graduation. S will be moving to the midwest for his new job and plans on doing so sometime the 1st week of June....so I may be losing both my guys at once...????
I've been off and on here reading everyone's threads...I just don't have the strength or positive energy to share with everyone right now...I'm so sorry.
I will keep checking in on you...and praying for you all!
Hugs!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
I've missed you and thought about you often. I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a hard time right now. How frustrating for H to say he wanted to work on things and then change his mind. I can't imagine how hard that must have been.
I think that by no means this is over, or that H is done. Could him saying he might move out be a reaction to his earlier statement on wanting to work things out? sometimes they take a step forward only to retreat further for a bit and then come out again......
It must be so hard to see S fly the nest, and to be dealing with this at the same time. Take a deep breath. Let this week pass and then re-read DR. Let H threaten to move out all he wants. You know to act AS IF when he does that- confuse the hell out of him back BA! We know you can, DB Diva!
I'm thinking of you this week (and all other weeks too!)
I am so glad to "see" you! I was wondering where you were and how you were doing... i think about you all the time. Don't worry, I totally understand about not being able to give support. The board s can be really intense and sometimes you really need to save your energy!!
God, it must be so hard to think about losing both your guys at once. (((((BA))))) One thing that seems very clear to me from your most recent post is that H is confused. And if H is confused, it's not over.
Keep hanging in there, lady. You are so strong, I know you can!!! Please be kind and gentle with yourself, take care of yourself, and make a little space to do something to give *yourself* a lil' love.
I am always here for you on the BB if you need a ((HUG)) or listening ear!!
