Wishing you the best of luck and lots of prayers for whatever happens this evening.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Well, she didn't say a word to me last night, but boy was she angry. I guess her little plan to use me until she can make her exit to be with OM and the kids not finding out about her affair isn't going like she thought it would.
We really didn't have a lot of alone time that we could have discussed it anyway, but as I was sitting in the basement watching the Buckeyes win the NIT (woohoo!) I really figured out the power in this marriage has shifted to me. I'm no longer afraid of whatever outcome there is. I started thinking about what would I be losing if she left? A lying, deceiving, adulterer! Why was I afraid of losing that? If my real wife wakes up and wants to make our marriage work, great. If the person she is now is how she's going to be in the future, I REALLY don't want to be with her anyway!
Had a really interesting dream last night. Don't have time to explain it right now, but I'll be back in a bit to explain it.
Thanks for the Props! I really appreciate all my FRIENDS here.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
DMB, I don't plan on leaving the house. I've decided it's time I tell the kids what's going on. I will tell them what their mother has been doing and she refuses to work on our marriage which includes ending her affair. I will then tell DS15 he's old enough to decide who he wants to live with and then let her deal with them. I can't imagine he won't say to her that "you're having the affair and you want dad to leave the house?"
If she still refuses to leave the house, then if I have to, I'll go see a lawyer and force the issue.
She's trying to get the power back in the arrangement. I think she thinks that I won't go anywhere (which I'm not) and I won't do anything and let the status quo as is. She thinks that I'll back down. I really didn't want it to get to this, but if she thinks she's got the upper hand, well, wrong.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Well, She upped the anty. She sent me an email that said "I'm all for separating, but me and DS15 are not leaving the house. What are your plans?"
How do I respond to that?
"Wife, my plans are to remain in my marital house with my children and work on my marriage, if you'll let me. If you don't want to, I can't force you to, but I'm certainly not leaving, nor will I tolerate your disrespectful behavior by carrying on affair in front of me and the kids. So I suggest you find a place to stay for awhile."
Then I would get S15 for some good dad-son alone time, and tell him in an age-appropriate way that Mom has a boyfriend, that it's not appropriate for married people to have boyfriends and girlfriends, that Dad absolutely doesn't agree with it and wants to work on things, but Mom is still fighting that and it's sad and we have to help her (or "pray for her," if you're so inclined)."
You're absolutely right, she's trying to regain the power. Another good "truth dart" to throw at her is:
"Wife, you're simply in no position to be making demands of me right now."
