W and I piecing this M back together

[sandi2]

Lan, I suppose I should really think about what to say before I just start typing away, but that is how I talk verbally.....I just start without always thinking it through. I wised I knew how to wisely state this. I believe, but now sure, that I know what happened and can perhaps identify with your W. I realize that I am a lot older, but nevertheless, I think I can understand. The problem here is that I think a lot of you and don't want to say anything that would hurt your feelings, so what I am about to say is in general terms....not just you and your W alone....okay?

I will use myself for an example (and probably get blasted by somebody, but here goes). I'm sure I have stated this somewhere on the board and will be accused of repeating myself as I often do, but anyway, I think that some women just can never find themselves sexually until they reach their peek or prime or whatever it is called. And, I think perhaps it is often with someone other than their H. I say that b/c when women fall in love and get married, they want their H's to see them as anything but something that would resemble a errrr.....how shall I say this.....a wanton woman. How's that? Now, I realize that most couples sleep together before marriage these days, so I can't really identify with that, since I didn't. I was innoncent, naive, and ignorant about sexuality. I had no idea about certain sex acts and certainly had never heard about oral sex. I ran to the bathroom to vomit when my H informed me of that fact of life. I don't know why I tell all of this again except to give you a picture of me being almost like a child when I got married. I never could "get into it" like I knew my H wanted me to. I loved him, but just never could feel that "turned on" excitement about sex that I heard people talking about. I did not know what it was to have an orgasm or even get worked up with sexual excitement. So, I thought something was wrong with me. Lan, it took me going to the internet and having on-line sexual conduct with strangers to finally realize what people had been talking about. This embarrases me but I am trying to make sense of it all. The only thing that I can come up with is that I did not care what those men thought about me b/c they did not know me. Not the real me! I could pretend to be anyone I wanted to be. Or I could behave with the actions of anyone I wanted to. In doing so, I found my sexuality.....so to speak. I don't think that I could talk or act like that with my H b/c it matters to me what he thinks of me. And, I have always been "proper" and could not let loose. I'm afraid I am making a terrible mess of trying to explain this.

I could be as wrong as anyone possibly could, but I wonder if being with another man, you wife did not have any reservations when it came to sex. She was there for that purpose, to experience whatever she could get out of it. In doing so, she discovered that certain "naughty" words and behavior turned her on. It may have shocked her to discover this. Perhaps she has discovered she likes to have more passion in love making by a lot more .....errrr....how shall I say this.....like being ravished! Not raped.....and not necessarily treated rough, but completely ravished by her lover. To have him devour her leaving no place untouched. But not in a too gentle and light, and too soft movement, but more in a heated and uncontrolld act. Maybe that is what she learned she truly enjoyed and she wants that now....with you. She is hoping that you will join her in doing this with her.....if you are willing and if you like it as well. Maybe she was like me and it took a long time for her body to sort of "wake up" sexually. Maybe making soft, tender love is not what she wants at the moment. There certainly is a time for that soft and tender moments, but I hope you know what I'm trying to say. Basing on what she said to you that "You are just going to have to f---- me". If she wanted soft and tender love making, I don't think she would have used that term. She would have said, "Lan, I need you to hold me and love me" or something to that affect. There are times for the slow,soft, wet kisses, with the rose softly stoked down her body by her H. There are times she wants him to just tease her until she can't stand it any more and begs for more........but not every time.

I believe wives want their H's to use their imaginations and do things differently once in a while and not use the same technique or make it some "duty" to perform. But change it up...one time it is a fun and playful act of love making, then the next time it may be something you got an idea from a movie or book to try. Men really ought to read those romance novels to get ideas....lol. I'm not talking about "postitions", but just change the whole scene up. Do you know what I mean? Have something special in mind to surprise her. I think boredom is the worst thing that can happen in a M. Routine......it's awful. Women like for their H's to keep them guessing with what they may do next. Make it fun. Make it passionate and hot. Make it long, sweet, and tender. But don't make it the same every time.

I try to think how it must be for you and what must be going through your mind, etc. But if you can work with her on this to see if this is what has happened....that she has finally reached her sexual peak and she wants to make up for lost time. Don't you remember the first time you had sex? I bet you thought..."WOW! This is great!" Well, it doesn't always happen that way to every female. For some, maybe it does. But not all of them.

I am purely guessing at all of that based on my own feelings, and from what I have read other women who had A's say.

I have talked too long, Lan. Probably have not made a lick of sense. It's getting late and I need to be sleeping. So, good night and I hope you can try to enjoy this new side of your W's sexuality and who knows, it may open a new door that will make your M more exciting than it ever was before. So what if it took her finding herself with OM? You are reaping the benefits now......not him. (Easy for me to say...huh?)

Take care, sweetie.

Sandi