Germ, as far as you, its all about justification. They basically convince themselves that they are doing the right things. And, please dont believe that bullshit about her never loving you from day one. They all say that to make themselves look good...a lot of it has to do with guilt.
My M went 5 years without a single problem...we were perfect for each other. Then when the problems start, all of a sudden, I too was blindsided...so what, this was a joke, or did someone pay you to marry me?
As far as depression..My friend, I ran the gauntlet of every emotion there is for a human to feel, and faced them head-on. Know what? After the smoke clears (which took a good year) and you become detached, you will feel a peace and soberness you havent felt in a long time..maybe in your entire life.
Of course you miss her. I miss my W. But look at this way, do you miss what you had...or maybe what should have been? We cant predict the future by thinking the past can come back. You just need to dissect the M from the beginning, see what happened over the timeline....Its not like this was a instant brain fart on her part. This took a lot of thinking and planning and gaining evidence on her part to do what she is doing.
Sad part is with most of these sitches, the warning signs were there, we just didnt see them until it was too late. And by the timne we do see them and make the necessary changes in ourselves to make us better spouses, its too late and we are left wondering why they cant see the NEW us..
Thats a big part of holding on. We know we can make it work, do we wait and sometimes drill it into their head that if they would see us and try now, the M can work and be better. But, the WAS only sees it as a temporary bandaid, and us being dependent or needy..etc. They especially know when we are depressed.....almost like they gained training like a drug-sniffing canine.
Like Bill said, the lies are part of the guilt, too. that is the major factor in them when they leave.
Germ, you said you gave so much. You said you were there for her. That, in my opinion, is a case where her issues came way before you..so you cant blame yourself on that one. It does take two to split a marriage, but it also takes two to reconcile one.
If she is not into it, you really have no choice but to DB, GAL, and at least set your boundaries so you dont become a doormat.
I dont believe in coincendence, or karma, or luck. Every thing good and bad happen for a reason. So take this as an opportunity to find out why. Say to yourself...."this happened because I did this", or "this happened because she is like that"...you would be surprised what you can figure out. And that is not passing or taking blame. Thats accepting the situation for what it is and making the most out it....also means working through the depression roller-coaster.
When I started breaking things down with my M, I saw my part in it, and her part too. We did talk about it though too.
Okay..I think I went over my two cents..lol...anyone want to fund the time machine yet?
