Hanging On To What I Believe In - 2

[ba065]

Hi everyone! Thanks for your messages!

Just when you think you're taking a baby step forward....you take several back...

I can't really figure it out.....sometimes it seems like he is really trying to get a grip on his life, his job, us,....he's kind of reconnecting with the kids more.....then he slips back into another dimension...tonight he's really depressed....taking a nap because he's so exhausted....that came outta nowhere! Sometimes I can totally believe what he's saying....he believes it....other times, he's a complete liar...it's obvious!

I'm so tired of having to be the "strong" one and hold things together. I'm tired of crying, tired of being put in this position.....I'm doubting myself and whether this is going to work out the way I want it to! Maybe it's just me....maybe I'm losing my strength.....I need someone to smack me with a 2x4 and encourage me to keep going.

I'm working on a 180....not emailing or calling H on the phone....trying to be more mysterious about where I'm going or when I'll be home.

I'm working on GAL....some, not enough I know. Going to see Leatherheads at the movies tomorrow during the day (I'm off work tomorrow)...by myself.... went to lunch with a girlfriend, had my hair done (I'm letting it grow and so I'm learning new ways to style it). Have been invited to lunch by two different guys at work...but politely declined...they don't know H and I are having problems....so it was weird that they asked me to join them for lunch...we are friends, so maybe it was just a friendly gesture, but it's weird that they both asked on the same day!? Maybe it was some kind of inside joke that I didn't get. I've know them both for almost 7 years.

T: I've been praying for H to find happiness, to find contentment in his life, to open his eyes to see the truth, to learn to love himself more....I've been asking God to bless us with his presence, comfort and protect us, give us strength to face our challenges everyday. Grant me patience and strength to stand.....there are so many things I pray for other than that H will find his way back to me.....I have even been praying for MOW and her H to be able to strengthen their M and become happier together (so that she'll leave my H in the dust). I know if she wasn't in the picture, things may be better....but H still isn't happy with himself and it doesn't guarantee that he will stay with me.

Anyway, I'm rambling...sorry this is so long and tedious.

I'm still catching up on everyone's threads.....

Please know that each and every one of you are special, none of us deserves to be here, but thank goodness we have all found each other, support each other and comfort one another..

God Bless!

BA