Michael, You are a trip (and also have some great advice).
Originally Posted By: Michael Mc C
My wife and I have discussed the current developments in your lives and we both are wishing for the best for all of you - regardless of what that turns out to be. The two of you are fun, energetic and outgoing. Hell, my BIL and his GF still talk about you!
I'm (we're) flattered, but, did we do something I don't remember??
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I kid you not (NJ phrase?)
Haven't thought about that. Does anyone have some feedback on this? Do they use this phrase in CA? How about across the big lake?
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"If HFF does not dance the way you would like him to dance, make sure you tell him..."
I know... I need to take some dance lessons. We've always talked about this, but never did.
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The above phrase applies to so many aspects: Child rearing, laundry, financial stability, intimacy and how he mows the lawn (just to name a few). We will never know if you do not tell us.
Do not criticize the way I cut grass! I got worked for a landscaper for a whole summer and DAMNIT!, I know how to cut my lawn!!
The above phrase applies to so many aspects: Child rearing, laundry, financial stability, intimacy and how he mows the lawn (just to name a few). We will never know if you do not tell us.
Do not criticize the way I cut grass! I got worked for a landscaper for a whole summer and DAMNIT!, I know how to cut my lawn!!
Yes but can you do it "IntimatlY"
H
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
The above phrase applies to so many aspects: Child rearing, laundry, financial stability, intimacy and how he mows the lawn (just to name a few). We will never know if you do not tell us.
Do not criticize the way I cut grass! I got worked for a landscaper for a whole summer and DAMNIT!, I know how to cut my lawn!!
Yes but can you do it "IntimatlY"
H
Intimately? Of course. I take my time and make sure every blade of grass has had sufficient attention and is groomed just so.
Doing ok i guess, just trying to figure out the right thing to do to make everyone happy.
Mo2C
Don't worry so much about everyone else. If you do that, you'll find yourself one or two years down the road still unhappy with yourself and resentful for that.
So here I am struggling with what the right answer is... I'm trying to think of what it is that would bring me happiness.
I could give myself carte blanche to go out and do whatever / whenever. Spend money with no regard to budget. Party like a rock star. Travel far and wide to see new places and meet new people.
I would be fun for a while, but I think this would get old and leave me feeling a little empty after a while.
When I think of what makes me happy, personally, I think it has a lot to do with giving others happiness. I like to see the kids enjoying themselves. I want to give them oppurtunity to succeed in life and watch them develop into happy adults. I work not because I love my job (I know, not the right reason), but because I feel good about being able to provide for my family. It makes me happy to bring a smile to my W's face and to see her happy. The old saying that it is better to give than to receive.
I dunno. Is there any 'right' answer? Just food for thought.
Worrying about everyone elses happiness is what has brought me to this point in the M. Never wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, never wanting to look like th bad guy. Now that it has been so long it's probably worse that i am now voicing how i feel and have felt.
Is there a "right" answer? I think what is right for one may not be right for another. All anyone can do in make a decision and stick with it, otherwise you lose all credibility.
My mom always told me to just be honest about my feelings. Don't drag it out, just say what you feel otherwise you hurt the other person more even though you are trying to protect them. I never believed her, never wanted to take her advice.
i get it now...i feel that i need to make my decision and stick with it. maybe it won't be easy but I need to do it. I hope that one day i am forgiven.
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,rather by the moments that take our breath away. M38,H40 M14 K D11 S8 D - June 09
I think you are making a huge mistake. It is not the place the helps define you but what is inside, so going somewhere away from your family is NOT going to help you gain peace. Go on a long weekend if you must but I know the damage that has been done to my kids from their Dad walking out the door. My oldest doesn't care if he ever comes back. My H is/was a good person basically the made the most horrible choices and he will sadly pay the price right along side our kids. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I think you are making a huge mistake. It is not the place the helps define you but what is inside, so going somewhere away from your family is NOT going to help you gain peace. Go on a long weekend if you must but I know the damage that has been done to my kids from their Dad walking out the door.
I'm not sure if Mo2C is still looking at the boards, so I will interject a little here...
I had suggested some time away as opposed to actually moving, and I do agree with you that it is not the place that defines who we are, but W sees this currently as the best option. Having said that, I am supporting her in that decision as best I can.
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My oldest doesn't care if he ever comes back. My H is/was a good person basically the made the most horrible choices and he will sadly pay the price right along side our kids. kat
It sounds like your situation was more abrupt / more absolute. Oddly enough, Mo2C is moving out with the family in mind. She is not walking out on us. She is not abandoning me or the kids. The kids will have equal time at both homes, and they are even excited about the situation at this point. It appears as though they see it as a bit of an adventure for now.
We are communicating very well on a daily basis, we are affectionate and even intimate. We have a night out planned for this coming Friday.
After I wrote that sentence I started thinking that things for us are better than most married couples I know. We get along so well we need to be apart?? There is just something missing for Mo2C and she needs this time away to find it if she can. I don't know if this will provide her with what she is looking for, but I plan on making the best of it. I don't know if this will ultimately end up with us being back together, but I do know there will be much learned in the coming year.
The kids will be hurt. They may never forgive you.
You think you are in control, but you're not. And your H wants his marriage right now, may not be there when you decide to return. Because you will have shown that you are capable of leaving and the next time will be even easier for you to walk out on your family.
Plus, how would you like it if you came back with "your head together", all ready to work on your "wonderful new marriage", with all of your "wonderful new insights", only to have you H walk out on you? Would you understand? Would it be ok for your H to experiment and have a PA with OW?
You are hurting innocent family for selfish reasons. The damage will never be completely repaired. The trust will never be the same. Your family will never look at you the same way. They will never trust you in the same way.
Why risk it? Why hurt people who love you so much? Would you want them to do that to you? Would it feel good to be placed in a position of such uncertainty?
did we do something I don't remember?? 
