R2C, just wanted to chime in real quick about something.
Quit with the planning. Being nice or respectful to your wife is so much more significant when it is not pre-planned. And trust me, they know when it is pre-planned.
I think you are a wee bit tightly wrapped right now with all of this. You need to relax a bit and get back to the business of being yourself.
This is not a game of strategy, it is your marriage. The attraction that eventually draws your wife back to you needs to be the real you. Otherwise, if she does come back, you will end up letting her down because of her false expectations. You do not want to end up back here because of that.
Be yourself, be a good person, be caring, and lovingly detach yourself from your wife. I know its not easy, but the reward at the end, whether it be restoring your marriage or becoming yourself again are well worth developing the patience.
