Wow - I turn my back for a few hours and my thread blew up! lol!
Thanks Hairdog for posting, again. I appreciate it! Alimari - my whole story is posted on page 1. Yes, my H and I are still together. I've been at this for quite some time and feel that this is really the main issue in our M. Other issues arose because of my H's affair, but we are finally back at where we were pre-A and are primed to really begin working.
Solid Mechanic - thanks for the many reminders!
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At this point you might want to try praising him for his effort.
I don't do enough of this. I read somewhere once that in order to maintain good behavior (in a child) you must praise 4 times to 1 criticism. In order to change behavior (in a child) you must praise 8 times to 1 criticism. That's in a child who is still forming ideals - in an adult it is exponentially more. I really don't praise enough. I'm going to have to sneak in a few of those. Because truth be told, I am appreciative of the changes in him. It gives me hope and it great pleasure. My H needs to hear that!
Neither my H nor I really like massages. But I get what you are saying and I may be able to apply this principle elsewhere. I will not be able to get him into a message though.
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the things you can learn from a good book on sex therapy might help you take the baby steps you need in order to stay on the road to a happy sex life.
this is a good idea, too. I should look up some info on this. I think it would be a good place to start - at least I'll have an idea of the steps to fix this.
Thanks for the insight!!
I too don't really like the R talks. I find that I'm much better now than ever before. I spend a LOT of time listening and little time speaking. And I try my hardest to refrain from judging him. I just try to imagine my H as a good friend, rather than a spouse. It helps.
