I am so sorry you've been feeling so bad and wish there was something I could say to help you feel better. It is HARD to be in contact and to see someone withdrawn and cold in place of the person you knew so well. It's the alien, I think.....
You know, I wonder if you should maybe reach out to H a little bit if you feel up to it. The main reason, I think, is that I wonder if he is guarded and closed because he's hurting and doesn't know how to interact with you. I know you'd like him to make the first move.....but I wonder if doing something different might move things along more quickly? After all, the worst that could happen if you reach out is that he remains closed. In which case you re-evaluate and decide on another plan (?).
I would love to see you post a list of goals for yourself and your R with H. T and I did some at the beginning of the year which I'm not sure if you saw? Maybe some goals together with baby steps that would be a sign that H's attitude is softening? I would see him asking to see you without an excuse as a toddler step right now......would there be something smaller that might indicate a change in his attitude at all? Eg. smiling a bit more, holding your gaze perhaps? Maybe he;d need to see you a few times with an excuse before building up to seeing you without one?
Just a thought. My �0.02! It's hard isn't it? The not knowing what to do. I've been feeling like that all week and I don;t know how to fix it. For me, I probably need to take action- commit to my plan again. But I wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you.
(((((Essie)))) I hope you're feeling better today.
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
