Still in love with my waw....after divorce

[Bill_S]

Well as for me the night before the one and only court date she got drunk. I dont mean tipsy...I mean blown out of the water.She drank before leaving the house, at her friends and while driving home. WITH her son, his friend and her 16 year old daughter! Imagine coming back to the house with your son as she drives up like that. Stumbling out of her van...kids scared and angry. And theres me...making sure she was ok. I spent 4 hours picking her up (literally) off of the floor! She went from happy to not caring, angry and then to sleep. Her middle daughter called her and her mom handed her cell to me because she couldnt understand her. She told me to take her keys which I did. I was kicked in the back and ribs, bitten, slapped....you name it AND grabbed. A friend of hers called her and she wanted her keys to DRIVE to the bar and I said no. She then demanded I take her and I refused because she was in no condition to be out of the house. She had me call her friend and tell her I was "refusing" to let her leave. I called and explained she was trashed and couldnt stand let alone walk and I wasnt about to let her drive or take her anywhere in that condition. As I telling her this my ex is calling her friends name out like a raging drunk. When I closed the phone I was punched, yes punched, in the head several times. Thankfully shes tiny and Im not. Then the cursing and name calling started. After awhile she decided to stay and sleep. Of course I had to pick her up again and put her on the couch. She then decided to call her oldest so she could wake someone up to yell at him (whole other story!) which she refused. My ex then called back several times and left very nasty voice mails calling her daughter a bitch. Finally falling asleep. No memory of this the next morning. No memory of scaring the kids or going to McDonalds but refusing to feed her daughter. No memory of what she did to me or pulling her daughters hair at her friends house hurting her. Nothing!! She was angry for telling her. When I left to get ready she thought about it and realized she really screwed up. But she was more concerned I would "rat her out" in court! She apologized and thanked me for being there for her.

So there I sat in court. The judge asking questions and me looking like I was ready to start crying. She actually was sad...but just for what she was doing to me. Still says she feels bad but who knows. But what I dont get is this what guy out there in my position after what she had done would take care of her and only ask she never do it again (not first time for drinking and driving) and just get help instead of calling the cops and having her thrown in jail OR standing up in court and running thru the details for the judge??? A guy like that must be a real piece of crap worth dumping huh??

Oh well...yet here I am still loving her. Go figure.

Germ,
I understand...completely! I felt the same way for 5 years. My ex told me there were problems from the wedding night on! Hey..should have said something. I dont think she really means it when she said she hated you since you got married. They say those things. So do we. It means (maybe) something happened at some point that made her DOUBT her love. They have a way of using words in ways we dont understand. Like mine...."never" meant "most of the time". Do your best to let it roll off. This doesnt mean she wont go through with the divorce though. She has issues just like ours did...not that we didnt add to it. You can and will live without her. How is up to you. Focus on you. Dont listen to her negatives and only believe half of what you see and none of what you hear until after the dust settles. They can and do come around but it may not be how we want it. Remember God didnt want this. Its free will. You just need to keep your focus in the right direction and hang on. Theres always a possible miracle around the corner. If not then He will take you where you NEED to be.

And I felt the same (and sometimes still do) that I have no joy outside of this. She was half of me. Its normal to feel this way. It took almost 3 years before I was able to feel better. And that was because I threw all my attention on the kids (hers and mine). Find something to focus on. Any groups at church you can join? Hobbies? Find something, anything, to get your mind off of it. And dont do what I did. DONT sit at home and worry or wonder about where she is or what shes doing. Let it go as best as you can because thats the first step to getting through this (my opinion).

Take care
Bill