"Do I endure what I would consider emotional abuse because I've made vows?"
Hi there Ms. Ladybug. If you feel you are enduring emotional abuse, let me assure you that you are dealing with a different ball of wax here. Marriage counseling does not work for situations where one person is an abuser. In fact, if you do not have a therapist trained in abuse, then therapy can make the marriage even worse. In fact I drove myself crazy with the DB book, only to have my therapist (who is very pro Michele W.D.) that the book won't apply to my situation.
MC is for people with mutual issues. Your H is the problem. He has an abusive mentality. Abuse is not because of poor relationship dynamics, it's because of the abusers core values of entitlement and justification.
What I suggest to you is to start reading some different books. Here are some eye openers:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond by Patricia Evans
The Emotionally Abused Woman : Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself by Beverly Mfcc Engel
Then only you can decide if it is indeed emotional abuse. If it is, then you have to listen to what the experts say on it. You cannot get him to change. You are the least likely person.
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Work on our marriage?? Umm, I filed for divorce last week. HE didn't want to work on our marriage until I filed!! NOW, he's saying he's willing to do ANYTHING to save our marriage. INCLUDING, going back to church with me, going to MC with me, and of course, no more calling ex-gf's.
Yeah mine did the same things. When abusers know you are slipping away they'll do every tactic to get you back in their control. Learn the tactics and protect your sanity.
