OK Marcum, your w sounds A LOT like my husband. I get the dirty car routine OFTEN. Here's what happens with me...
He tells me, "your car is a pigsty! I help pay for this car, can't you clean it out? I can't beleive you have unopened mail, and all these toys in here. This is disgusting!"
me: "I know. I'll try to keep it clean. I'll clean it out tonight."
him: "Don't TRY, just do it! "
He will ramble on and on and on. All the while, I'll be agreeing, and telling him I'll clean it.
Here's what he sees...He's told me before that he wants me to keep my car clean. I always agree...but don't keep it that way. He then thinks that by me agreeing with him, I'm just trying to shut him up...and he's right.
He's cancelled date night because of my dirty car.
It's natural to be defensive. I even think that it's MY car, yes he helps pay for it, but I drive it. I don't tell him when his car's a mess...and sometimes it is. I think it's his OCD, and therefore HIS problem. I could never tell him that though.
Most important in your situation... What did your car look like the next day? How does it look now? You told her it would be clean the next day. Did you follow through, or were you telling her that to drop the arguement. She may see this as you trying to shut her up...esp. if you don't follow through.
Makes sense? Clear as mud?
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
