Confused as Ever

[Snow White]

Maybe because he can keep up the pretenses that she's just a friend if there are no calls/TM's?

Yes you are right, but, with the exception of a single physical act 4 months ago the only thing there has ever been are text messages and calls. My H is at work or at home 90% of the time. He would go outside to have a smoke and call her, it was/is 99% an EA.

You know that he's never going to be able to give you what you need in the marriage as long as he's still in contact with her, right?

They work together, they now work in separate stores but they work for the same chain that interacts with one another, transfer stock pickup each other;s customers ect. They were friends at work, they were both (get this one) honest workers. In the past few weeks 3 of the other 6 staff at the store have been fired based on information the 2 of them found about them stealing from the company. They talk on the phone at work about this kind of stuff.

I'd be willing to bet that he has found other ways to communicate, probably an "affair phone." That's what TMB's wife did, and it's VERY common.

This is entirely possible. At this point anything is. But when do I stop looking for other ways?

What is the reason for exposure to OM's parents? "A" to be honest with them, and "B" for them to exert whatever influence that they may have over their son to get him to end his affair. And "C", so that if your marriage doesn't work out, they know the true reason, and know that YOU did everything you could to save it.

A - not sure that they would appreciate the honesty, it would hit them like a tonne of bricks and I only want to do that if necessary. They are nice people but my h is a product of his upbringing, they are very closed, very private, not affectionate type people. They have suffered through the death of their 32 year old son while his(very slutty) wife was pregnant with his first child. And they don't need this if we are to stay together.

B - this is something that could be a benefit, or a hinderance, H has always felt like he wasn't good enough for his parents, in fact I think that is how they did their upbringing, in fact while we were dating I picked H up at his house one night when he called me crying because he was arguing with his mother who retorted I never wanted you and you were only born because your father raped me. His now deceased brother became perfect after he died but was also never appreciated, when he died it became he 2 other brother's faults. He was killed in a snowmobile accident by H's(and my) best friend at the time. His oldest brother(10 years older) had to have surgery when he was one for clubed feet becuase his mother embarassed to be pregnant kept tight bands on her stomach and messed up his growth and her mother beat her to try to kill the baby. He is afraid of them knowing but already feels like they will say big suprise - he's a *&&%up just like we always thought he was, looks good on him.

C - trust me, if we do separate they will now the full truth, they may still sometime soon, just not last night, I can do it anyday, but i can't take it back once I do.