Just saw H today. He is reading a book "The Good Divorce". I looked it up at Amazon and apparently it says crap like divorce can be a good thing, it's fine for the kids, etc. H is not the type to ever go in a bookstore and pick out a book to read, esp. on nonfiction, so I am betting OW gave him the book as she is divorcing also! Gag!!!
Here are my thoughts on the book.... !!!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
It is just making me mad that I am no longer depressed, lost the 40 pounds I needed to lose, clean the house well now, am happy and doing great that H refuses to even consider marriage to me even though everything he said he couldn't live with I have changed!!! He has told me you made the changes I wanted too late. I guess forgiveness & understanding aren't something he can do! Karen
Thanks guys! Yeah, that book makes me sick too!!! I am also feeling hopeless today about the marriage. I keep DBing and GALing and H doesn't care--apparently still in love with OW!!! I am feeling like he is 100% wanting to divorce--and I am totally bummed about that! Other Hs break up with their OW, but I guess his relationship is still going strong after 4 or 5 months or whatever. I do think with all the changes I've made that if he broke up with OW that he would at least consider the marriage for a second or two anyway!!!
You've done remarkably well. To make the changes in yourself that you knew needed to be done takes tremendous effort and strength. Your H is not in the same place as you are.
Time and patience, hon.
(((((((More hugs)))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
You make the changes for you ... not for H. The WAS is too to notice anyway.
Do it for yourself.
Thanks GF and Nocode! :)I have been recently trying to make the changes for me (and for my kids too of course!). I do think I started with the intention mostly of trying to save the marriage, but now am trying to do it just for myself. H has even noticed the changes & commented on them several times but said they were "too late". H just doesn't care in my case!!! And GF, I do try to be patient (why I called my thread that) that is my worst quality I think; I am impatient!!! I should look to you as an example for having patience I know!!! Karen
Other Hs break up with their OW, but I guess his relationship is still going strong after 4 or 5 months or whatever. I do think with all the changes I've made that if he broke up with OW that he would at least consider the marriage for a second or two anyway!!!
Karen,
Don't give up just yet. The R between your H and OW is bound to implode. How could it possibly work under these types of circumstances? Just keep doing what you've been doing. Focus on yourself and your kids.
The Good Divorce book and the thought of the OW giving it to your H makes me want to BARF.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
It is just making me mad that I am no longer depressed, lost the 40 pounds I needed to lose, clean the house well now, am happy and doing great that H refuses to even consider marriage to me even though everything he said he couldn't live with I have changed!!! He has told me you made the changes I wanted too late. I guess forgiveness & understanding aren't something he can do! Karen
My H said basically the same thing but he is also an arrogant a$$. He says I didn't appreciate him when I "had him". They have to make us look bad so they can justify in their minds that they did the right thing. They don't take in consideration that most couples do go through a stage of miscommumication at this stage in the marriages. Unfortunately, couples don't realize that they are not making the marriage a main priority. We all get caught up in raising our children and jobs. Once we get "slapped" in the face we LBS try to work on our marriages. They think that they have been "wronged" so badly, that it is too late to save the marriage, the fog is too thick! They don't stop to think that marriage is a two way street, and that they contributed to the miscommunications.
My H waivers back and forth about wanting to try to work things out. It doesn't help that the OW and his mother have become bosom buddies!
You are right that you have to work on yourself for yourself! You are doing very well.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
[quote=karen43] Unfortunately, couples don't realize that they are not making the marriage a main priority. We all get caught up in raising our children and jobs. Once we get "slapped" in the face we LBS try to work on our marriages. They think that they have been "wronged" so badly, that it is too late to save the marriage, the fog is too thick! They don't stop to think that marriage is a two way street, and that they contributed to the miscommunications.
You are right about that Yoyo! I was focused on my kids & H on his job (and eventually one of his coworkers!) in our case! But so do H's ever realize or do you think my H will eventually realize that it's not too late to save our marriage or the thick fog will clear enough for him to realize that I am a different, no longer depressed but happy person and he will be losing out if he divorces me (well I think that anyway) Karen
!!!
Karen
to notice anyway. 
Karen