well the wife stopped by today..

[cat03]

there is letting it out and there is making the other person miserable with badgering and hen pecking.
Do you both go to MC or just her?

Ok, so she held in a lot of stuff, that doesnt' allow her to use you as her punching bag, it's ok that she lets you know when something bothers her in the R, but not to tear apart anything she doesn't like.
The communication between you two is toxic, she doesnt know when to stop and you dont' let her know how much it hurts you when she vents in a destructive way.

It's a vicious circle, and each time she feels more entitled to her vicious behaviour, she things it is alright,and since you are not saying anything then she gains more power to act that way. Do you actually think one day she'll be "done" venting and become the loving W you want? NO, she is just growing in viciousness and at some point she will see nothing wrong with talking down to you.