I read your post to ACJ, and the book you're reading sounds good. God WILL make this into something good, Cat; I have to believe that. I accepted the D a little over a year ago, and things are so much easier for me now - not right away, but it happened. I know that some days it seems like the pain will never end, but then you have a good day - and it seems like you're in those good days now, so I'm glad of that.
Love, Nic
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
hugs to all)))))) God has been true and wonderful to me, taking the pain from me, now I have to train this stubborn brain of mine to think of other things, lol, it's mostly habit that I think of D/H/ow, not out of pain, so I need to carve new brain paths for me.
Doing great, I know the enemy tries to pry old stuff and I pray to God to help me forgive 4nowH for all the indignities of the last 3mths, slowly i'm getting there. It doesnt' move me anymore to see him, and I am also detaching from my phone, he's the one who'd mainly txt me or call me, so now I even forget it at work, lol, it has helped. We are in the final stages of the mediation, we'll fine tune stuff on sunday between me and him and then off the mediator for the final draft.
It was sad telling my mom though, it sort of relived the worst for a few seconds, she of course was devastated (she is in my country and I just didn't have the heart to call her and tell her) I was close to tears, mostly for her, after telling my story a few times I'm able to stay objective, but I know it is really hard for her, since her and my dad D when I was 10 (ugly D, we moved, etc) and she has always suffered and hated to be alone. I tried telling her I didnt' feel alone, that I was doing great and kids were ok. Sigh, poor mami, she must've cried a lot more after we hunged up.
The kids are doing good, I know the little one is not as affected as s9, though he also is doing great, happy and himself, we went to the circus yesterday and had a blast. I lost 5lbs in the last mth, wow, I didnt' think it'd be possible to be my college weight again, so now I got to buy clothes 2 sizes smaller, he he.
Loving my zumba classes, got to be on the stage today, trying to keep up with that dynamo of our teacher, it's my highlight of the week. Found a radio online (through iTunes and i'm just hooked on it at work!, new tunes, new things help me take my mind off stuff, it's a latin dance party mix and I have to keep myself from dancing on my seat, lol.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Good riddance again, I prob should've started running MUCH sooner.
For you Cat..... I love this song, it pretty much sums it up.
"Over You"
Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the one To build me up and tear me down, Like an old abandoned house. What you said when you left Just left me cold and out of breath. I fell too far, was in way too deep. Guess I let you get the best of me.
Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you More than you, more than you know. I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over. I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces. I'm spending all of these years Putting my heart back together. 'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you.
You took a hammer to these walls, Dragged the memories down the hall, Packed your bags and walked away. There was nothing I could say. And when you slammed the front door shut, A lot of others opened up, So did my eyes so I could see That you never were the best for me.
Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you More than you, more than you know. I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over. I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces. I'm spending all of these years Putting my heart back together. 'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you.
Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you More than you, more than you know.
Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you More than you, more than you know. I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over. I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces. I'm spending all of these years Putting my heart back together. Well I'm putting my heart back together, 'Cause I got over you. Well I got over you. I got over you. 'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
YES!!! that's precisely the song I heard when I thought to myself "heck, i put up with his crap one too many months!"
Thanks for posting it hon!! (I"m also a Daughtry fan from the very beginning ) the lyrics are so me, it's almost scary, I"m almost over him and it's barely been a month of the D bomb, I think i have totally accepted that he's a lost cause and that that good man i loved is gone for good.
i think it has helped me to stop worrying about him or wonder how he's doing, stop looking at the clock and say 'oh, at this hr he's prob at work/leaving work, etc etc'. He started that crap again of 'do you know where can I get such and such' or 'how do I do this and that?' Before, I'd run and find out stuff for him, use all my resources and look for stuff for him, i now just shrug and say 'don't know, sorry'. He can find his own secretary from now on. I"m not trying to be cruel, i am really trying to cut off all the familiarity between us, because otherwise it'd feel too much as if we are still together. This is my 'acting as if' method, and it has helped me detach from him.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks for posting it hon!! (I"m also a Daughtry fan from the very beginning ) the lyrics are so me, it's almost scary, I"m almost over him and it's barely been a month of the D bomb, I think i have totally accepted that he's a lost cause and that that good man i loved is gone for good.
I think that is the biggest step, and the most freeing. That day that you look at the X and wonder where the person you fell in love with went. You wonder where this lying, manipulative, sack of ICK came from!!!And this verse is perfect... You took a hammer to these walls, Dragged the memories down the hall, Packed your bags and walked away. There was nothing I could say. And when you slammed the front door shut, A lot of others opened up, So did my eyes so I could see That you never were the best for me.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
) the lyrics are so me, it's almost scary, I"m almost over him and it's barely been a month of the D bomb, I think i have totally accepted that he's a lost cause and that that good man i loved is gone for good.