Affair is over and WW is responding

[Starshyne]

Hi! I have been keeping up with your thread and think you are very brave for leaving that letter for her. I think you are really on the right path. There is no way I could handle my H going back with the OW again. I can put up with his crap right now because I know (at least 99%) that his affair is over. If I ever find out differently, I will be the same as you.

I am keeping you in prayer today.

By the way...I have always loved that Greenday song as well.

Sara

[Puppy Dog Tails]

As I just wrote to someone else just now entering "no-contact"/recovery:

I would advise you now, ahead of time and with a cool head, to decide what your boundary is going to be in this regard. Zero tolerance? ONE slip-up, but only if she proactively tells me about it? One slip-up even if I Have to find out about it, so long as she answers me honestly when I challenge her on it? Two? Other?

Mrs. Puppy had one major slip-up, carried it on for about five days, but then PROACTIVELY told me about it, and was genuinely sorry and scared. I decided that was the ONE, and ONLY "chit" she had, and I told her so. Your mileage may vary, but I'd advise you to decide now, in the cool detached moment without a re-contact/deceit crisis on the table.

[Hope4us]

Yep Pup, thought about that before. I guess I'd have to see HOW it happened. If she came to me and said I f'd up and called him and x is the reason and I'm sorry kind of thing, I think I would be ok with that if she worked with me on whatever triggered her need to call him and we worked towards it not happening again.

If it happened again after that? Don't know. Guess I should think about that, but right now, I don't think I'm going to have to worry about that for a while as I'm fairly sure she's going to say, ok, lets separate.

Maybe her tone will change after I tell the kids this weekend, but who knows?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

She still may surprise you.

[Hope4us]

Thanks Sara, I've been keeping up on your sitch also. I can tell you, keep an eye out. I was 99% sure the affair was over also (and it might have been for a few months) but all it took was a couple emails and it's off and running again (although the emails may have never stopped and WW was just waiting for OM to say his marriage was ending before she set her "bait" again).

But you're right. Sunday was almost like DDay all over again, and I decided a couple months ago that I wasn't going through this crap again.

On a side note. I'm 47 but I really enjoy a lot of the music the younger crowd likes. My DS19's GF thinks it's cool that she gets in the car with us and we crank up My Chemical Romance or Dashboard Confessional or Plain White T's etc. She thinks her parents are "squares" because they're not up with today's music. Anyway, Green Day is one of my Fav's.

[Hope4us]

Thanks for the prop's Pup.

May is the key word. Maybe you're right. If there had been NC for a while and the contact just started up again the last couple weeks and she got to see the real him AGAIN, maybe she will surprise me. TBD.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It's interesting that you're 47. So am I, and so is my wife. Is your wife the same age as you? There is SOMETHING about that age for women, I've been told. They get wayward.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

Yep Pup. She's 47 also.

Why wayward? I've thought about it alot as I'm sure everyone does in the sitch.

- Pre-mentapausal (sp?).
- Youngest son almost independent.
- Major Stress in life - Relocated away from our home town 5 months before A started. Home town = real community, know everyone, new home = big city where we know no one = Freedom (to her).
- Hates new job.
- Me traveling for work alot prior 2 years.
- My new job stressful - long hours.
- Predator OM.

Now do all those things justify the affair? NO, not in the least, but it all adds up to a perfect storm to me (or to use DB terms, all the holes in the cheese lined up).

[Hope4us]

Ok, I've been strong all day, but now that it's almost time to go home, I'll admit I have some butterflies!

Really wish I never would have had to go through something like this (but don't we all?), but it's what my life has thrown at me so I guess I have to deal with it.

Wish me luck.

[fightingirish]

Good luck... sending positive vibes your way!