Thank you for checking up on me. I don't really have anything to report.. but I'll journal anyway.
I find that I get annoyed with H now when he doesn't contact me as often as he has other times.. I don't relay these feelings to him.. but it does point out to me that I have too many expectations.. It's difficult not to have expectations though.. I keep seeing or feeling these little steps and then there's either nothing or he retreats.. I also wonder if this is where we'll sit forever? Not that we are in a bad place but it's also not a marriage. I feel like I'm slowly getting my best friend back.. (yet I don't tell him everything that's on my mind and I rarely initiate contact.. which I realize doesn't sound best friendish.. but it is giving him the "space" he desires).. but he hasn't initiated any s*x so I do worry that he doesn't view me in that way... which also makes me worry that we'll sit in this "best friend" arrangement forever.
I'm in a good headspace about me right now, I think, overall.. although the fact that my H does seem to want to spend time with me is likely contributing to that. Mostly I think quitting my job has done something really good for me. Having this time.. and not having to go to a job I dislike every day is helping me with my PMA. My D2 is going to daycare 2 times a week right now instead of every day like when I was working... I allow her to sleep in until she naturally wakes up, which is 1.5 to 2 hours later than when I was working, and I think this is helping in the drop off at daycare. She's not sobbing or crying for me anymore. She is giving me a kiss and hug and then runs off to play. It makes things SO much easier and my PMA is protected by not having her cry. I joined PWP (as I mentioned in a previous post) and just signed up for my yoga class (which starts today at 3pm). I am going to find a refresher course for motorcycle driving... and then will take the test before my license expires in August... I went and met some other Mom's for a play group yesterday morning.. so I'll continue to do that on Wednesdays... so I'm really starting to feel good about me! Now I just have to start making some decisions about my career future. I'm at a loss with this so I haven't done much about it at this point (mind you this is just my first week off work).. I don't want to procrastinate. I want to face this and find what it is I'm meant to do. I keep listening and watching for signs.. because I did ask my higher power for direction.. I know I will be provided with help soon and when the time is right.
H came over last night. He had his pre-op appt yesterday. Turns out he needs to be at the hospital on Monday for 7:45. He has asked that I take him to the hospital so I suggested to him that he sleep here on Sunday night.. that we drop D2 off at daycare for 7am and then proceed to the hospital for his surgery (I want to stay and wait at the hospital to make sure that everything goes alright so I didn't want to have D2 have to wait with me... which is why I'll take her to daycare). He's in overnight and then at some point Tuesday I will take him home. I'm not sure if he'll be coming back here to the house or going to the appartment. I guess it depends on what shape he's in (he's getting his jaw broken).
My Mom. I spoke to my Mom this morning and she said that she's not likely going to get her results for likely at least a week.. so we are waiting for that.. I guess it's just another thing to practice being patient about... So we will patiently think positively about the results!
I think that's if from me. I will check in on the rest of you shortly.
