Bring on the Rain

[SueS]

Neecy-

H said those things to me too. He told me that he still found me attractive. But it's true, unless you feel good about yourself, you wonder how anyone else can love you or see you as attractive. I'd tell my H, but you oogle over women that are perfect and you know I'm not anything like them. He just couldn't understand that it was ME. He just needed to give ME some time. I told him I loved him. I hugged him, I kissed him, we ML....etc. It just wasn't enough.

Yesterday was a good day at work. I got a lot done. I had another long talk with one of my bosses. He told me that he was surprised to hear that our split was just a matter of when. He assummed that since my work performance had improved so much that things at home were improving also. I told him that I am just handling things better and that I've come to realize how much I need my job. Not just for the income, but because I love my job. I need the friends I've come to know. I need the involvement that I know I can have in events and outings. We talked about a lot of things. I've known my boss for about 3 years now and we're pretty honest with each other about things. He was worried about me because for some reason he thought I was the one driving the split. He was worried that I'd feel guilt for splitting our family & what affect it might have on D3. I told him no, it's H's decision. However, since it's been going for so long, I've seen things that I know I don't want to live with any more. Things that I've always just swept to the side so the boat doesn't get rocked. I'd always looked at it like....the good times outweigh the bad, so I'll just let this go. I know there are tough times in every relationship, but I shouldn't have to feel that way any more. He said, Sue, if I know you like I think I do, you'll come through this a lot better than you think you will. You'll survive and you'll be a heck of a lot stronger in the end. It was a very honest conversation, but it was an easy one to have. He's a great guy who doesn't hold anything against me. He said that he felt good that I felt comfortable enough to open up to him the way I did.

H got home last night & left to work out. He got up early this morning & went to meet a friend for breakfast. I slept the night away with my cough medicine with codene! Yes, it helped a lot. Although without D4 at home, I've been waking up really, really early.

H refuses to call the daycare provider to work out the billing with her. He keeps insisting that I talk to her. This is his bill, yet he refuses to get it worked out. I told him that it makes no sense for me to get information only to have to relay it to him and then back to her. He is even stopping by tomorrow to drop off a check......still, he will not handle it. Good luck to him when he is responsible for things all on his own.

Time to get busy.

SueS