Ok Puppy, I like it, but I might not take all your suggestions. My counselor wanted me to not be too hard on her as he says WHEN this affair ends (and it will, soon according to him) that I want her to have a good feeling of me so she'll come back.
She knows her affair is selfish. She knows it's destructive for everyone involved, so me pointing it out to her seems like to me would be kind of disrespective to her. Not that she hasn't been disrespectful to me, but I just don't think I need to point it out to her.
And I had thought about putting in my conditions, but I just thought I would wait for her to show some interest first and then work through that.
If she does leave, a few weeks after she goes I'll send the letter outlining the conditions for her return. It just seems maybe a little short and sweet, end it with OM and we can work on it is best for this letter. At least IMHO.
Completely up to you! Just trying to share my experience.
Had an interesting conversaion with my friend Deb. She kind of agrees with me on this speculation. I know it does nothing for me and doesn't help in the least, but I like to speculate on stuff. This is no exception. Just some random What If's.
WW has not said a word to me since Sunday. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights she's spent in the bedroom with the door closed the whole evening.
Monday I'm sure she heard it from OM about me seeing the TM's about them getting together and his W going to see a lawyer. With OMW pretty sure OM has another one lined up already in his new location and obviously not making much of an effort to come see WW last weekend (the excuse he used for not coming is pretty lame if you ask me) was he just getting off on WW chasing him and had no intention of getting together with her and after me finding out WW's plans and telling OMW (thus making OM's life more difficult), did he rip on WW Monday and that's where her depression comes from?
Ok, I'm rambling. Doesn't matter one bit in my sitch going forward. Like I said in my previous post, I gave WW my letter this morning. But for some stupid reason I like to play these scenario's out in my head. I know it's not productive, but I can't help myself.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
I'm sure I won't hear anything today. Maybe tonight, maybe not. If OM did rip on her Monday she maybe re-evaluating her options. But I'm not going to take a "I'll stay and work on the marriage because that's my only option" as a response.
I'm still surprisingly calm considering what's going on. Maybe that's the sign that I'm ready to move on, with or without her.
Thanks for checking in. How's things in your sitch?
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
But I'm not going to take a "I'll stay and work on the marriage because that's my only option" as a response.
That is EXACTLY what I got, and believe me my friend, IT DOES NOT satisfy the soul!
I think you are exactly where you need to be mentally. Able to move on if needed. Able to make it without her if needed. Detached as you can be. You aren't chasing any more. You are your own guy, not dependant on her for happiness. If she comes around GREAT, if not, then you are going to be just fine.
It looks like you already know this, but you CAN'T try to "figure out" waywards. They're simply all over the map, and projecting so much that is out of their true character, that it's a fruitless (and sometimes, even counter-productive) exercise.
Focus on YOU, DETACH, and DON'T ENGAGE her in R talks other than to see if she's ready to leave OM and agree to your terms to work on the marriage. Until she is, "separation" is a legal issue best left for the attorneys, and you should say precisely those words.
I appreciate your support. I know I can't figure out waywards. And I know it's counter productive to try to think of the scenario's in my mind, but I can't help that. But I do know that in the last month or so I've finally been able to detach from the outcome, whatever it may be.
I think back in Feb, when I thought the affair was over I kind of figured out that if it started again, I'd had enough. And the last two months, things seemed like they were progressing and then, BAM, it started up again (if it ever ended). And that's something I've thought alot about. I think there was a time period where the affair HAD ended. Based on a lot of things I'd seen etc. I might be kidding myself, but about early last week I started noticing little signs that maybe it was back on again and after talking with OMW, she noticed the same things. So now I know that it was back on, at least that WW WANTED it to be back on, even if OM was just playing her, I'm done.
If she had continued making progress, our recovery may have been different, i.e. I may have settled for less from her than I am willing to accept from her now. And that's where I've grown a set in the last two months. I've figured out I can live with or without her and that's a GOOD feeling. And maybe it will matter to her in the long run that she see's that. Maybe not. So maybe it's good that this reignition of the affair happened. Cause if we do make it in the end it will be what both of us WANT, not me settling for less than I want to just keep the family together.
Either way, don't care.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Ok, I know I've seen others do this and one of my favorite Green Day songs just played on the radio here at work, and man it just hit me. So, for all us betrayed's out there....this is for us!
"Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)"
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go So make the best of this test, and don't ask why It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life.
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial For what it's worth it was worth all the while
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life.
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life.
Hope this lifts you up like it did me.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
