My first post - Dday#2 and separating

[stillbreathing]

Thanks you dmb. I'm trying to let go of any expectations. I have reservations about giving it to him because i do fear it will just make him angry, but at the same time, I know its really important to come to terms with the problems we are going to have to face without our children.

journaling:

I'm so in and out. I really wish I could just find some stand of stability. One moment I am fine, happy, loving my kids. The next moment I am consumed with loneliness, fear and anxiety. I miss him. Aside from our marriage, he was my best friend. I loved talking to him. I loved laughing with him. I loved raising our children together. There isn't a moment in the day when I don't miss him. I can't seem to understand why he doesn't miss me too.

I'm doing my best to just move on with my life and let it go. Still there is always this dark looming hole inside of me that is so afraid that i am simply putting the final nail in the coffin. I know that *right now* he is done with our marriage. I know i have to accept the fact that that might never change. But it feels impossible to really grasp that.