M, these are the same things that I hear. Why does it take S before you realize that you needed to change and before you realize what you were doing wrong. This all sounds to familiar. You are still with W, keep that as a plus. You are going to MC, if she didn't think it could be worked out then there is no way she would be going to MC, this is a plus in your corner. Papers have not been served correct, that is another plus, she is waiting to see where all of these changes to the two of you.
My W has not filed either, sometimes I think she is only waiting until the year is up and other times I'm thinking she testing me to see if the changes will really stick or not.
Good luck, keep up with what you are doing, something appears to be working for you IMO.
Well, I think you are asking me how I got here? I got here because I let anger with her mothers controlling ways get to me. I shut down when that happened because I saw my MIL do and say things to my W that were hateful, spiteful and disrespectful to my W, me, my M. I let my pride and anger get in the way of our realtionship. I should have been more supportive of my W, gave her a shoulder to cry on when her mother did these things and not gotten angry at her M. I got too comfortable in our M and quit working at it I guess. I took my W for granted. I look back and can see that I was very foolish in the way I thought and acted. I thought it would all work out, everything would be OK. My W saw that as not working at it. I was stupid for thinking that.
It's not all my fault. My W had a big part in this also. We both have communication issues. My problem is I shut down. I came from a very quiet family, my wife came from a family of hugs, kisses and caous. It's hard to mix those two dynamics sometimes.
When I turned 18 and left my parents house I was determined to make it on my own. I felt I did not need my parents to hold my hand and lead me. I felt my parents were there for advice if needed. When I married my W became my primary concern, she became my family. I have never felt this from my W. With my W I always felt that her "blood" (family) was thicker than "water" (me).
I see some of these things as a positive also. The MC, no papers yet, etc. I don't know how this will end up but I can't let myself think that it will end up great and she will fall back in love with me..I can't ever let myself get comfortable again I don't think. I just have to find some way to communicate better. I can't shutdown when I get upset..that has really hurt me and our M.
