The mistress has more than I can offer

[Dayana]

Hi Sara
Sorry to hear you are not well and that H is not going well either. Don't give up though. Last year a friend of mine's H kept saying how desperate he was to leave but couldn't afford to. She told him to go if he wanted and then she just got on with her life, finding her own ways to keep busy and happy. As soon as he realised she was ready to let him go, he changed his tune and has now recommitted to the M.
I don't know if that will work for you, but when you are over the flu, try your hardest to GAL and get out there - even if you totally don't feel like it, force yourself to get out and focus on other things than him.

I have to keep telling myself this and it does seem to have some impact. The more my H sees me getting on with life, the more he expresses interest in coming home. He has however not expressed sufficient interest to cut ties with OW. She is still managing his band and I refuse to have him back while he is still in contact with her. So we are having a stand off.
I really don't think he will pack it in with her unless I give him an ultimatum which of course I am afraid to do. But I do know that whether or not he comes back, I have to keep creating my own life, as hard as it sometimes is. But it really really works - the 180 really works too. Usually when I see him I start trying to talk about things. The other day I went out while he babysat - I decided when I got home I would just say hello and leave the room. This is totally different to what I usually do - the moment I left the room, he followed me and asked me what was up. He then got suspicious that I had been out with another man, which I had not, but I didn't mind him feeling a bit of jealousy! The point is, my 180 really impacted on him - it made him pursue me to talk instead of the other way round.

So I suggest think of something you always do that isn't working with H and do a 180! Let me know how you go.

As for me, the ultimatum is surely brewing!