Back on the Roller Coaster - OW still around

[fooled again]

Mike,

It seems whenever I get it in my head that it's the right time for a R talk, the timing w/ H seems off. H has been getting closer, true, but in his phone calls on this trip he feels very far away. I'm trying not to analyze it, but it's hard. Maybe he is remembering all the times before when he was travelling and called OW instead of D and me. He sounds tired and distant, but at least he is calling every day. He hasn't said ILY though in a couple of days - this is unusual, and may be a reflection of his pulling back a bit b/c of the bad memories. Yeah, R talk on the back burner seems a good idea for now.

Funny you mentioned a new house. H has been talking a bit about moving, well I guess he's been telling me about houses he's seen for sale. I think we both feel in our hearts that a new house would be good. I rarely go into his office, which is pretty much as he left it over a year ago, papers all over the place, stuff all over the desk. I did pick up everything from the floor so I could vacuum but that's all. I keep wondering when he is going to go in there and go through his stuff, but he hasn't yet, except for the odd time to get something out of his desk. His office was obviously where he emailed and called OW while he was living here. I asked him a couple of weeks ago what he was going to do w/ his desk & he mentioned selling it. So there are lots of old bad memories here, but there are good ones too. Hard to know what's right.

Strange, you would think if your W wants a D fast, why would she be laughing w/ you? I guess none of us wants the S we had before - my H was also very cold and you would be surprised at some of what my H did to me. They don't even see how much they hurt us, we are not even on their radar, except in terms of how we are affecting them. I mean, you could have died and she visited you twice. This is not a rational, normal person. And to think there are C's who don't believe in MLC. I had one who believed my H was had narcissistic personalty disorder, which almost always develops in young adulthood. My H was a kind, loving, generous person who did everything for his family and me up until about 3 years ago.

Anyway, you are the only one who knows if you are ready to date and move on w/ a new R. You are a very strong to be able to say that you would still consider an R w/ your W if she came back to you after a D. I wonder if I could do that, or if there would be too much damage. Even now I wonder if I am strong enough to do this - there just seems to be such a far, far ways to go b/f we are anywhere close to living together again. It makes me really, really sad sometimes.

If nothing else, at least your W is reconnecting w/ Ss, and that can only be good. I couldn't imagine not seeing or speaking to my child for that amount of time. But if she is peeking out of the tunnel, moving out of replay and depression, then who knows. I've been S for over a year (13 mos), while for you it's been 7 mos. Alot can happen in 6 mos. And maybe selling the house is a step in the right direction for the two of you - it seems to be bringing out some good things in your W.

FA