WAW...now the LBS Part 2

[HOPEFULinCALI]

obviously intelligent found you :). Street smarts to get marriage back - I think that is more choosing to do it. Save face, I've thought of that before also...then again you were the WAW so you found a way. My WAW doesn't really talk to old friends so I suppose that would be easy. And her family would tell her to try...and I really don't care what my family thinks. I think people generally want to support there friends.

Thank you:) True I did find a way. My roommate and I were discussing this very thing last night. I said to her "I understand his reluctance to be honest when he has build a world of lies. Furthermore, although it was difficult for me to face the friends I had told about the sep and possible D that I was going back I realized only a fool would throw away their marriage for selfish pride. I think it may be more difficult for my H because he has gone above and beyond lying about filing or being divorced, having a girlfriend, no doubt painting me in a bad light, and having multiple EA's with girls who all know each other. Having to fess up to his lies and set the issues straight will at the very least look like a person of questionable character and perhaps even lose him some friends and gain him some enemies."

The town he grew up in in Greece is a very very small town so it will be quite difficult for him to run away from any negative consequences. But I still have hope that the H I married will return a come to his senses.

That is great for you that it will be easier for your W. One less battle.

I reread your post several more times, and posted in my journal about it...I think when rereading, I understand you to say that I should find counselor for 5D then ask to join for co-parenting, etc...

Exactly. When you offer to do things together, for daughter, with daughter etc. it is best to have something specific in mind/planned (i.e. not - do you want to go to see a movie this weekend but rather I am planning on seeing such and such movie on friday at xx:xx time would you like to come along. Not the best example since you are not at the dating stage, but you get the idea.)

It wasn't to harsh...you didn't knock the PMA. You probably were not brutal enough. I think you were holding back, I did feel awful, when I put her shoes on.

Ok good. It is a brutal thing, the mind of a WAS, even the most "well meaning, well mannered" ones. I don't want to be too harsh to anyone, but only to show the reality of what a WAS may be thinking so that the LBS can have a better understanding of what they are up against. Disclaimer: I'm no expert.

Funny you said I should divert conversation. That what I wanted to do initially, but felt I had to say something about equal time and answer do I want to fight her in court. Instead diverted conversation to whatever and achieved ???

You have handled yourself wonderfully. Definitely when it comes to 5D you shouldn't settle for anything less than equal time. What did you say to fighting her in court?

I have my moments and you have been a big encouragement. Thank YOU.