Your last post was right on the money. Good for you for seeing things this way. I feel the same way. We may have lost our M, but we have gained our lives, and that's a good trade. It's a painful transition, to be sure, but I would not want to go back to the old self. Change often/usually happens only when there is a crisis, something to force us off the old journey. We are sometimes thrown off by forces we can't control, or sometimes we leap. Either way, we go to a new road and the world never looks the same again. That is good. I don't look at my past with my W the same way I used to--I see many more problems, but I am resolved not to live in the past but rather to learn from it. We can only connect the dots in retrospect. But once we do, we might be able to learn so as to craft a better life. Live in the moment. Let WAW live in the past. Mine said that she can't forget the past. Well, that's her choice, but it's not the type of person I need in my life. It really is healthier to live in the now. Darn near every self help/marital advice book I've read talks about letting go of the past; clinging to it (either the good parts or the pain) is not healthy. Live in the now.
