A new chapter - do I belong here?

[sandi2]

Yes, I understand now what you are saying. I would probably feel the same as you do. However, from the logical POV, (you know, all those books we read), there are no promises that a M will ever reach that 100% that you are talking about. Every M I have ever know personally (certainly not the movie versions) have had one of the spouses working harder than the other. I know it takes two to make a good M, but usually in real life one spouse works harder at it than the other. You may know some people where it is not that way....I just don't happen to know any that work equally at the R. And of course, there are no perfect marriages. Over the years there are many changes and stages to "muddlethrough".

I remember seeing here on the board a forum or thread about that very subject. It was something about can a M survive with just one partner working at it. You might want to look it up.

I remember thinking that my grandparents, who were married longer than 65 years, were in that catagory where she did all the work b/c I saw very little that he did. However, I didn't see what went on behind closed doors. In the world we live in today, we probably would not have endured some of the aggrivation that she did. But, they loved each other a lot and she was lost without him when he died.

What we decide about staying in a M and how much we are willing to change ourselves and how much we are willing to work.....regardless of how little the other S works or not.....it is all a personal decision that we make. However, I don't think you are going to get that 100% assurance that you ae wanting before you roll up your sleeves and get to work with the mind set that you are going to give it your all. Remember, I know where you are coming from, but we just don't get those guarantees in life.

I felt like I was the one doing all the work for so many years. Then I hear my H saying that he has tried everything he knew to do and nothing seem to make me happy! I was never so shocked in my life. I hadn't seen him do anything I considered working on our MR. So perhaps it is in the eye of the beholder.