I have to be careful for she is reading all of this now and has been for a while. She lied about that also. She mentioned this morning that i was planning on having her arrested if she drove drunk again. I am really worried about her drinking. I can not imagine what it would be like to live such lies everyday. Well I have desided that i am going to go ahead and have a great life, one that she will most likely miss out on. I have three great kids whom I love so much my heart is in pain for them.
It must be really hard to lose your love for someone after all we have been through together for twenty years but I want nothing but happiness for her and even if it kills me I want her to live the rest of her life happy. It took me a long time to detach and accept but my future is going to be very bright. I have many great friends that love me dearly and have told me so lately. I don't think I have been this close to my family (Mom, Sis and Bro) in years, I never knew how much they cared about me and how worried they have been for me for the last twenty years. I have been so abused that I didn't think anyone gave a cr*p about me. I was sleep walking through life. Now I am alive, blasted from a tunnel. In the last 6 months I have lost so much but gained even more. I have really grown in so many ways, I am really a whole new person that I really like.
I pray for the health of my wife and children through this difficult time everyday. I will love again and I will be loved again. Time takes time.
