Still in love with my waw....after divorce

[Bill_S]

Very wise....
Ive been thinking along the same lines...but it still hurts. Ill be happy when that final thread is cut.

Ive had the perspective shift and realized how I was. I showed her love...just not "her way" and when she tried to explain I couldnt understand. Maybe my past hurts were in the way, Stubborn .... probably but I LOVED her. This process was over 5+ years. Looking back I cant believe how blind I was. Its like looking in a book, skimming the chapters and saying "oh my...its so clear now!!" I can look back and see how she was then and now (and me too)and understand why this happened. I can even see when it was too late to fix it. And it hurts....big time. But thats the curse of hindsight. Too little(much) to late.It took detachment to see it too.

I think that my problem is losing half of me...someone like you said...to be there when I come home. But thats what makes the little things shes said over the years hurt and made me hold onto her more.

We once talked just after we got the papers. I started to talk about our past and stopped. She wanted me to continue and I said it didnt matter since we were only moments away from divorce. She said "we should get that stuff out now while we are getting along so it doesnt come up later if things change." Why??? Thinking things may change or like she said "you misunderstand everything I say. I didnt mean that (or other things) to give you hope."

kinda hard not to take it that way....So I hung on to emptiness.
Ill wait....and pray.....and wait....attend my churchs divorce support group...and pray...and wait...be a dad...and wait some more.

If someone is brought into my life great...if not then theres a reason for it. I wont chase and fill the hole like she did. I wont out up with garbage because Im lonely...

Something worth mentioning before I hang it up for the night..

Today at work as I thought about her plans to bring HIM over to the house, I started to get that knot in my heart. Then something happened. I felt a "shift"..a detachment and peace, that I wish was constant,hit me. It was GREAT! Like a section of a cliff face just gave way and fell. I wonder if thats what it will be like...not caring who shes with or what shes doing..I hope so.

take care,
Bill