This is such a great post; I am going to print it.
I really like your idea of just telling yourself over and over again that you're great. I guess reinforcement is the key. Self-esteem issues have been with me since childhood, so I guess they won't go away easily. The whole thing with my crush brought back the feelings that I had when stbx left - even though I know that (at least in this case) it really has nothing to do with me.
As for the dating around...I think I just need to get back into put myself out there in world, and just smiling and talking to men. That would be a good start! I have been isolating myself a bit, esp with the winter, and that's not good for me.
I saw my T yesterday, and we talked about co-dependency. I had thought it was rubbish b/c I read a book that seemed to say that any kind of caring was actually co-dependence - or at least, that's how I interpreted it. In any case, after giving it some more thought, I realized that I was behaving in a classic co-dependent way: I wanted to be with someone who needed me, and also to be rescued (strange dichotomy, I know). I was liking the fact that he has some problems right now b/c then I'd be in a position to help him, which made me feel good. Now, I'm not saying that being supportive is a bad thing; on the contrary, I think it's very important. But my reasons were not good: it was to validate myself.
Unlike stbx, this guy actually wants to deal with his stuff and be a grown-up! WTF??!!! Seriously, I realized that it pi$$ed me off that he doesn't want to be babied. That was my dynamic with stbx for so long, I really don't know how else to be in a R. So, as my T said, thank God (literally) that this is now on hold. If we were to get together now, I would end up creating yet another unhealthy R. The good thing is, I know what I need to work on now - and who knows what will happen in the future?
Speaking of which...guess who was totally checking me out today, and then STARING at me? (I looked really cute, I might add!) Funny how that see-saw works isn't it?
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
