Hi DanceQueen - I certainly will, when the time is right, bring up C again. However, I have learned a few things about my H in this process. I can't control what he thinks. I can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. At times I can't even speak about a topic as he will just brush it away and or stonewall me. He will listen, but he will not engage in conversation about a topic he is not ready to be engaged in.
I already know from suggesting C 2 years ago, that he will not commit to a long standing weekly appointment with a C. He will not do that. As a matter of fact he did Retrouvaille for that very reason. He would/can/could commit to a weekend - he would not commit to long term therapy. I already know that is a boundary with him. So, I guess I can research intensive weekends and see if I can get him to do one of those - but he is greatly opposed to going and sitting in "someones" office once a week for months on end. He firmly believes that we, as humans, are products of our choices/experiences and that 99% of all problems can be solved with mind over matter and prayer. and he believes that this is one of those cases and that with time he will become more comfortable with the idea/activity and it will happen naturally.
I must also restate that I have recently spoken to him about my concerns and I have seen a change in him.
So while I don't disagree with you that C can help us, I have no way of convincing H of that. It is a cheeseless tunnel that I have ventured down on previous occassions and I'm not willing to battle him over it. If there is another way that I can get this to occur on my end, without having to drag him or convince him of where the help is I am all for it.
And quite frankly, I've basically done what I can in terms of therapy. It really is a couples problem that both people have to be actively looking for a solution to. I think my H is looking for a solution, I just don't think he's going about it the way I am. And I don't think he's gotten to the point, yet, where he is willing to try everything and anything to get there. Which is why my C suggested that I leave him. She thinks it will be the catalyst for change. I think it's manipulative and a breech of trust. You don't walk away from an R just because your needs aren't being met. You find ways to work through the issue.
Edited to say this: neither of us are looking for a way out of this M. We both stared that decision in the eyes a year ago and made the decision to stay together. If I were going to divorce him the papers would have already been signed by now. Will he divorce me? Hmmm...I find that highly unlikely. He will say, at least weekly, how glad he is that we are together and we made it through.
