I need to vent. W went out tonight with friends, leaving me with the 4 kids. For some reason the pain anf despair just became to much, I locked myself in my room and sobbed like a babuy. Recently I read a book :"The jouyrney from abandonment to healing" Cant remember the author, but she says that the trauma and pain of abandonment is much worse that losing your family to death. IT IS COMPARABLE TO RAPE BECAUSE IT SEEKS TO THE DESTROY THE CORE OF YOUR BEING< YOUR SENSE OF SELF. It feels as if my chest was cut open with a chainsaw and I've been left to bleed. I should be dead but for some stupid f-ing reason I am still alive, like a bad joke. Why the hell would I want to stay married to the person who CHOOSES to do this to the people who love her most? SHE DELIBERATELY CHOOSES TO CAUSE THIS INCREDIBLE PAIN AND DEVASTATION TO ME AND OUR KIDS. EVERY single book I've read says that love is a decision, an act of the will. Something you do. If she wanted a perfect husband she should have married Jesus. God, shes definitely not perfect herself. But then Jesus would probably not be good enough for her either.
WHY DOES SHE DO IT? IF LOVE IS A CHOICE THEN SHE REALLY HAS NO REASON NOT TO LOVE ME!
BITCH!!!
Do i really want to be married to a person who is capable of such deliberate cruelty?
Me 43 W 42 M 1998 S16 S15 D7 D4 bomb 07/03/2007 OPA ILYBNILWY My Thread
