Confused as Ever

[Snow White]

I guess I am confusing, I will try to explain. When H is here we get along unless I bring up R talk. We play games on the computer against each other, hang out and watch tv, wrestle ect. and I really believe that for the most part even thought in poor taste H's antognizing is about joking to him. If I act "as if" we have a good night - and D has a dad at home loving her. I look at some ohter sitches, he is not mean to me, he is here for the most part unless he is going out with a friend for his newly found social life.

BUT - and this is a big but, I always am thinking about it, and my problem at this point is H's direct statment not to even try, it can't go on like this because I cannot consistently act as if, as you can see in a post above I blow up once a month, nor can I maintain proper boundaries while H is here, I would be and have been a doormat and I would and have continued to let him cake eat.