Truthfully, emotions will go back and forth forever. I have come to the conclusion that I will always care about my X like no other and I'm okay with that. But, it's now unconditional since he really has no responsibility to me.
Middle D was married last year and it brought up all kinds of other feelings that I hadn't experienced. Yesterday, his mom died and I'm all emotional again. I feel such connection to his family, but yet, not... I still have days where I can't believe he did / does that!!! But, I know it's all about him and I try to focus on me and my kids.
The following was posted years ago and might still be out here, but something I read often. I was always thinking and analyzing and trying to "fix" things. All to no avail.... Please try to find some peace in your life without him.
Be still and know that I am God.... - (Psalms 46:10)
There is a time and place in our walk with God in which He sets us in a place of waiting. It is a place in which all past experiences are of no value. It is a time of such stillness that it can disturb the most faithful if we do not understand that He is the one who has brought us to this place for only a season. It is as if God has placed a wall around us. No new opportunities--simply inactivity. During these times, God is calling us aside to fashion something new in us. It is an isolation chamber designed to call us to deeper roots of prayer and faith. It is not a comfortable place, especially for a task-driven businessperson. Our nature cries out, "You must do something," while God is saying, "Be still and know that I am God." You know the signs that you have been brought into this chamber when He has removed many things from your life and you can't seem to change anything. Perhaps you are unemployed. Perhaps you are laid up with an illness. Most religious people live a very planned and orchestrated life where they know almost everything that will happen. But for people in whom God is performing a deeper work, He brings them into a time of quietness that seems almost eerie. They cannot say what God is doing. They just know that He is doing a work that cannot be explained to themselves or to others. Has God brought you to a place of being still? Be still and know that He really is God. When this happens, the chamber will open soon after.
and finally - that old Serenity prayer:
God, grant me Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.
