well the wife stopped by today..

[cat03]

ops, I meant to say "and you are NOT the source of her unhappiness Marcum"

Even if you had 2wks worth of trash in the car she had no reason to act up is such a inmature way, nothing grants that kind of behaviour (my H used to have months of garbage in his car, I just moved it aside and sat down quietly and let him be)

You are trying to accomodate her so much, at your expense though. Love who you are, you dont' have to give explanations about everything she doesnt' like

W: "your car is so dirty..."
M: "yea, needs cleaning, do you want to take your car then?"
W: "how can you keep your car so filthy..."
M: "I'm ok with it, sorry you feel that way, can we go now?"

You dont' need to explain yourself so much. If she doens't live there anymore and is nit picking about dishes/floor, whatever just tell her that she's welcome to help.

I know you dont' want to rock the boat and cater to her every dissagreement, but it is leading no where, you must teach her how to treat you. If the badgering continues about a particular theme dont' wait until it turns into a 30min rant, let her know that you've heard her and respect her opinion, however you dont' appreciate her talking to you that way. If she leaves in a huff then let her.

I remember when my H left and had put $ in my cc for stuff, I brought it up and he didnt' want to pay me and was a jerk about it, I calmly told him he could have 3mths to pay me but that I needed the money back. He didnt like it but paid me the whole thing the next week. I wanted him back but wasnt' going to let him screw me just to not make him angry.

You dont' have to push her away to be assertive. Chances are, she will always find something wrong with what you do, it is how you respond to it that will change the tide, don't be the victim anymore. Sometimes no matter what you do they will never be pleased, they have a void in themselves and look for faults on others to make themselves feel better, it is easier on them to blame someone else for their unhappiness than to admit they are the ones at fault.

Do NOT be afraid of speaking up, if she gets angry and doesnt like it, then tough, as long as your are respectful and talk in a calm manner there is no reason not to let her know when she is going too far.