NikB #26 (tentatively moving to Piecing, again)

[NikB]

Thanks all for the welcome!

OT
I really appreciate your concern, thanks. I agree - it's premature to be here. I definitely don't feel that I can rebuild on my own and I don't even know if that's where he's at right now. My thread just locked at a confusing time.

I know we're very much in limbo, I just don't fit into any of the main "categories" at the moment - we're not separated or D'ing , I'm unsure about infidelity but have reason to think it's mostly over, and I'm definitely not a newcomer. So... crossing my fingers and posting here, but knowing that I can't do it alone. In fact I think that is a lot of what went wrong last time - we were each working on our own versions of rebuilding and reconciling instead of approaching it as a team effort.

Which leads me to.. no, I haven't talked to him about the pic yet. I have reasons but recognize that most (all?) are excuses based on fear. I am working hard on jak's "feel the fear but do it anyway" comment from my last thread. I have literally opened my mouth about 3 times now to have the talk, only to have other things come out (and I later get mad at myself for not just saying it). I am consuming myself with the "What ifs" and all the possible outcomes of the conversation. I KNOW better in my head..I realize that this fear is getting in the way big time, both for me personally and for our R. It's the forcing myself to act on it and "do it anyway" that I am struggling with.

H
I actually understand where OT is coming from and agree that Piecing is only truly possible when we're BOTH working on the M. Otherwise I'd say about 95% of the LBS' here would be in Piecing since we/they are all trying to fix the M without the WAS.

I made that mistake before - me working on it in my way while H worked on it his way, and it didn't/doesn't work. Just brought an analogy to my head - I kind of feel like I'm in one room of the house working on what I think will help us reubuild while H is in another room doing the same. (I know this latter part may or may not be correct, but I'm going on history and recent actions as my guess where he's at). I need to go knock on the door and find out if our goals are the same or at least similar - and if so, let's meet in the family room and work on it TOGETHER.

I hope that makes some sort of sense.. the picture is very clear in my mind.