Back on the Roller Coaster - OW still around

[fooled again]

Mike,

I guess I lost track of your thread somehow - just found it again and now but it looks like it locked up again! You did tell me about meeting up w/ your old friend and her drinking too much and wanting you, but not about her calling you and you calling her since then. I can totally relate to that feeling of being appreciated by someone else when your S doesn't. I didn't mean to be so preachy about seeing other people - I guess I'm just projecting! I've just read soooo many warnings about dating while you are DBing. I fear for myself that I wouldn't be able to draw the line if I was feeling so lonely. In fact, there are days when I'm confused at H's actions or withdrawl and convince myself I'd be better off just starting a new life, finding someone else. But of course, this would not work unless and until I know I'm done w/ my H and my M. Of course, flirting is usually harmless and is really good for the PMA! I'll keep what you said about men & women being friends in the back of my mind - thanks for your insight.

I was also reading on your thread about your coach telling you to drop the rope. Oh how I love that analogy - do you know where I first read it? It was on 40/60.org and it was someone posting on detaching. She compared it to waterskiing, that when it's not going well, you can either be dragged along, swallowing water and getting beaten up, or you can "drop the rope".

It does sound like you are dropping the rope, which no matter how sad that makes us, is better than the alternative. Who knows what the future will bring. One poster here has a quote from Helen Keller about one door closing and another opening, be we look so long at the door that closed that we don't see the one that has opened. I think about that all the time. I guess you are just starting to look around and are finally able to see the doors that are opening around you. Your W may also end up being an open door one day too.

My H is away this week, though we did have a great date on Sat night. I was thinking about talking to him about the future, but we had so much fun and were talking about so many other things, I never brought it up. It was quite a bit like a real date. After dinner we went to a club down the street to see a live band, and at one point H went to get another drink. While he was at the bar, a guy came up to me and started chatting with me. I worked into the conversatin that I was with someone, but he kept talking to me, and even talked to H when he came back w/ his drink. It was good for H to see that. Later we went home and he stayed the night.

H has been staying w/ his parents while out of town on business, & has called every day at least once to talk to D, often again later to talk to me. He sent me a text April Fool's prank - a nice sign of the old H, as he never missed an April Fool's prank to me until his MLC (it was a good one too - he really did fool me). He also saw two of his brothers last night. So lots of reconnecting going on there. When I talked to him last night he sounded a bit subdued, but he was likely tired as it was late. I was also thinking that he was probably thinking alot about "things" - I would imagine reconnecting does that to the MLCer, maybe bringing up some depression, regret, sadness, guilt over what they have done. I was fairly upbeat (even though I'm sick & was pretty tired) and I thanked him for calling.

I just hope that the way I'm interpreting all of these little steps is accurate, and they will bring him out of the tunnel and closer to me. No matter how intriguing it is to consider dating and meeting some fabulous new person who will sweep me off my feet, what I really want is for my H to come back and sweep me off my feet. I too let go of the rope when I need to and wait for the times that I can get back up on my skis.

It's good to know that you can enjoy "real" food too, and I have always understood that exercise is a real boon to being able to do just that. I have to get back into running (as soon as my cold is done) as I have signed up for my races and the first one is in four weeks - EEEEK!!! It's just for fun though, and part of my GALing so I'm not going to put too much pressure on myself.

Now if it would just warm up a bit!!

FA