Bring on the Rain

[SueS]

Karen- It's tough. As I said, it still pops into my mind, especially when my H says......I did this & I did that, you didn't do this & you didn't do that! Then I think about the things H did or didn't do. I remember going to the doctor a little over 2 years ago and talking to him. I said, I'm overweight, overworked, depressed, my boobs still leaked from nursing a year & 1/2 earlier, H & I had different schedules & I never got to see him.....etc. I told him I'm 38, but I feel like I'm 80. I told him that I didn't know how I'd make it through all those years to come. I told him that I have a small child and I love her and love spending time with her, but I just didn't have the engergy she needed me to have. I told him that my H was threatening to leave me because I wasn't giving him what he needed. My doctor said, Sue, do you see yourself with this man in 5 years? I told him that yes, I thought I did, but things had been tough and I was afraid he'd leave me. He said, Sue, I have NEVER heard of a husband that will leave his wife for the reasons you're telling me. I have NEVER heard of a husband that won't support his wife through what you're going through. I went home & told H about what the Dr. had recommended to me. H just said....you just need to workout more....you'll be fine. 1 year later, H threatened to leave me again because he wasn't getting what he needed. Here we are, just over 2 years later and my M is ending. Over all that time, H never asked me what was wrong. It always came down to him getting angry and threatening to leave. I always begged him not to, telling him that there was something wrong with me and it had nothing to do with the way I felt about him. It didn't matter.....it was about him. Yes, I could have done things differently, but he could have too.

Rob! Thanks so much for that post. I hurt from time to time, especially now when I don't feel well, but unknowingly, H gives me constant reminders of what I don't want to live with anymore.....his drinking, his selfish behavior....etc. I think you'll be proud of me on this too. I'm not usually the one to put myself out there, but I took it upon myself today to email all the ladies on my mom's side of the family to try to set up a weekend get together this summer or early fall. We always have so much fun together, but it's rare that it happens. Since my Grandma passed away 2 years ago, the times we see each other are even less. So, I'll do the leg work on this one! It will be well worth it and it will give me something to look forward to.

Joie- Thanks for stopping by. Are you good at making chicken soup? You know there are ways to overnight food! I hope you're doing well too!

SueS