I think you should get records (if you haven't already) of every transaction H has made, particularly withdrawals of any kind, any CC charges, etc from the time his A started til now.
Again, DO NOT agree to any changes until you've talked to a lawyer. Please don't drag THIS out. Do it immediately.
I have kept records of that as much as I could & spoke to a divorce attorney (the consultation) and told her that. She seemed to act as if there was nothing to do until H files for divorce. And I continue to keep the records!
I had fun tonight at rehearsal they had us do a costume parade with all our costumes on and then we did a little bit of dancing but not too much!!! H came over during my first costume change which is a totally skintight cocktail dress, very sexy. I said Hi and he said not a word to me (like nice dress) or anything. But one of my theatre friends said he had to notice even if he was pretending not to!!!
The girl that plays my daughter in the play knows H and his girlfriend. She told me tonight H's girlfriend, married with a 13 year old daughter, lets her drink and go out at that age and is a horrible mother. I can't believe H is dating someone like that, I guess she is my total opposite, but wow!!! I am also a little horrified she might ever be my kid's stepmom so I am really praying they break up!!! Karen
Good, I'm so relieved to hear that you've been keeping records! His statements/actions are a bit unsettling. But I'm glad you're on top of it!
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H came over during my first costume change which is a totally skintight cocktail dress, very sexy. I said Hi and he said not a word to me (like nice dress) or anything. But one of my theatre friends said he had to notice even if he was pretending not to!!!
Your friend is right, hot mama!
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
I had a great rehearsal tonight and had a lot of fun as usual. Had a great day today and am feeling very strong and happy! I was really flirting tonight with one of the guys in the play and now I feel a little guilty though; one of the other guys was kidding about us hanging out together like that and I said well, I'm single so it's ok or something like that. (I feel like a single mom often but of course I'm not really.) I def. feel guilt over that; I don't know how H has an affair; I would be way too guilty to do that!!! Karen
Just saw my C today. That is always good for me! I am thinking about looking for a part-time job after the play is over and she thinks that is a great idea! She is also going to see both of my kids next Thursday to check that they are OK. If they aren't, then I guess we will have them do therapy.
D8 last night said she had a nightmare that both H and I left her and she couldn't find us and was crying when she told me about it so I am sad she is obviously having some anxiety over the separation I think. I told my H about her nightmare and that we are setting up the therapy as he wanted to know about the therapy date/time and I think he should probably know his actions are having some consequences for at least D8.
My H just emailed me that he will watch D8 during all the rest of my rehearsals this week: Thurs. Fri. and Sunday so that is great! Says he misses my son also, since S14 is now working backstage crew at the play and he hasn't seen him in a week now. I told him S14 says he misses his dad too, I asked and he actually said Yeah, yeah! but deep down I am sure he does!
Oh, I don't think I mentioned how the job idea came about. H and I were getting along well this past week & weekend & had a few friendly emails and then he sent me a snippy email in which he was saying are you looking into a job after the play? He believes I don't want to work or am scared to work or something which I am not. I believe he sent that trying to pick a fight like he usually tries to when we are getting along well (I think to help justify his affair & help alleviate his guilt.)
But I think I probably surprised H b/c instead of fighting with him I emailed back that I thought that would be a good idea! Now he says he's thinking about me having a job (apparently he's not thrilled about it in reality as D8 might have to go into some part-time daycare or whatever) so kind of proof I think he was just trying to pick a fight with me! But I told him my C says it's a good idea so he probably will be OK with it then. Karen
Greats news, Karen! I'm so glad to hear that you're considering some part-time work! Real good for GAL, PMA, and detaching, and I believe your H will appreciate the extra income. I know my H did.
Good luck with the kiddos' therapy sessions.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Thanks, GF! I am pretty much decided I will try to find a job after the play is over or in a week or two. One of my friends works at the library so I am going to talk to her and if that doesn't work out, maybe I will see if there are any part time jobs in the school system (I have a teaching degree), although I think they have recently had a lot of budget cuts in the schools here so don't know if that will work out. Plus, at this point since I've been homeschooling the kids for 6 years, I would kind of like to work with grownups I think!!! Karen
Karen, I have just been reading your thread and it seems you have it so much more together than I did when my H left. With my H there was no discussion, just gone. He still has alot of his stuff here...either he doen't care about it or left it here to torture me. Good for you on the job. It looks like you are really on the right track to getting a more fulfilling life for YOU! kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Karen, I have just been reading your thread and it seems you have it so much more together than I did when my H left. With my H there was no discussion, just gone. He still has alot of his stuff here...either he doen't care about it or left it here to torture me. Good for you on the job. It looks like you are really on the right track to getting a more fulfilling life for YOU! kat
Thanks, kat! That is tough that your H didn't discuss it with you! My H did let me know he would be moving out and I thought he would probably for several months before he did, and acted so horribly to me, that it was kind of a relief when he moved out! :)I helped him pack up & move out. He was so shocked that I was so OK with moving out that he said something like my Prozac really works great, but I think most of it was just relief that his torturing me with texting OW, spending nights & weekends with her, yelling at me, etc. was over. (Well, it has been except for the yelling, and I am determined not to put up with that anymore too!)
My H has also left a lot of stuff here, winter clothes & other stuff. Said he will move it out eventually (apparently when he and OW get a place big enough for the kids or whatever and prob. her divorce is final.) I am ready for it all to be gone and shoved most of it in one hall closet so I wouldn't have to look at it!
Yes, I have really worked hard on myself so either I will have a healthier marriage if H ever came to his senses or a healthy relationship with someone else I guess if not! I also think AD's and my weekly meeting with a C have helped too!!! Karen
Just saw H today. He is reading a book "The Good Divorce". I looked it up at Amazon and apparently it says crap like divorce can be a good thing, it's fine for the kids, etc. H is not the type to ever go in a bookstore and pick out a book to read, esp. on nonfiction, so I am betting OW gave him the book as she is divorcing also! Gag!!! I continued to act nice & friendly but I am sure OW is pushing him to divorce me asap. Karen
Karen
Karen
My H did let me know he would be moving out and I thought he would probably for several months before he did, and acted so horribly to me, that it was kind of a relief when he moved out! :)I helped him pack up & move out. He was so shocked that I was so OK with moving out that he said something like my Prozac really works great, but I think most of it was just relief that his torturing me with texting OW, spending nights & weekends with her, yelling at me, etc. was over. (Well, it has been except for the yelling, and I am determined not to put up with that anymore too!)