Zipping to D like a jack rabbit on speed.. 2

[grid, lost]

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I was just wondering if you've heard anything more about PWP?

Wheretogofromhere,
May I ask???? What is PWP?
grid, lost

[grid, lost]

On a personal note.. I'm thinking my husband probably has been with someone for quite a while. It feels wrong to think that of him but too many behaviors don't add up.

Gypsy,
Yep, afraid so . Did not want to post saying that until you had time to come around to seeing his behavior as it is.

MLC, WAS, they are selfish, cruel and hurtful. Protect yourself, GAL, and don't let H hurt you, even if you have to stop having contact for a while.
<<<hugs>>
BTW, where are you submitting your next writing? Takes many rejects for one accept.
grid, lost

[W2G]

Hi Grid,

PWP is Parents Without Partners.

W2G

[LL44]

Discovery of another person is just almost too much to bear sometimes. Gypsy, I am so sorry if this is true. However, we are smart enough to know its not about any other person. But I swear, my separation from my H would be a lot easier if I didn't know he was out there dating/flirting.

I have realized just how selfish my H has become. What had made him this way, I don't know. But it hurts.

HUGS

[Gypsy]

Ya know.. the image of removing the emotional wick from the candle works wonders for me. It just doesn't hurt.. and I still say, an affair might not be true.

How he left is personally upsetting, on his own terms without me being a part of the process. He left because he was miserable, didn't want to feel like he soldiered on through surviving this life. He left without allowing any discussion, focusing on a divorce instead. He made up his mind, by himself and left. From his perspective he was a martyr for sticking it out as long as he did. And the kids had a father for all those years.

I don't know how he feels, I don't know what he does, I don't see him. I have plans the one night he takes the kids out. I'm not here. He is becoming someone I barely talk to. It's comfortable when I hear his voice, and I feel a stirring of what family means when we talk of the kids

Pointing fingers at spouses only hurts us. You know the old saying, "When you point a finger, three fingers are pointing back at you."

I've already lived a lifetime of hate, being hurt, angry, helpless, fearful from being sexually molested my entire childhood on a regular basis. It has taken a lifetime to climb out of that well, and I still feel ickiness. As wonderful as I am, I'm skewed when it comes to certain things, anything that involves trust.

My husband loved me in a way no one else ever has. He wanted to know me.. the me within and was not swayed by my distractions, my fear of being so worthless on the inside. When he chose to love, he loved fully with heart, mind and soul.

We both screwed up. We've raised three incredible loving children. We've had 26 years of knowing each other.

He left an untenable situation. The more he is gone, the more I realize how empty a life we lived, held together by a love of family, respect and love for each other but an emptiness created by intentional and unintentional compromise and unspoken decisions.

With his physical departure, I was forced to see the life we had. I do not want the marriage we've shared, a relationship where I was always walking on eggshells always feeling I never did anything right. And you know who did that to me? ME! Instead of GAL, I had LAG (Lost all gumption). Having 180's? No way, I flat-lined!

I believe in miracles. I could wish upon a star that the beauty of love that seemed our destiny would return.. with both of us transformed into a couple who turns to each other, rather than away.

But ya know what.. I have one life in this body. I have a compassionate heart and a joy in life. I love. I smile. I hug.. oh my goodness, do I love hugging! Life isn't over, what is best isn't gone if I keep moving on, walking tall, embracing what the world has to offer with a smile.

The anger, the anguish, the fear will ebb and flow, but I am going to push away embracing them. I don't need anymore sludge in my life.

You are all good, wonderful, noble people with hearts almost as big as your smiles. You and I deserve to be happy. Our happiness is only a heartbeat and a smile away.

I own my joy.

*hugs*

[LL44]

Wow Gypsy. I am very sorry for your childhood. So very sorry. I work in the federal government and witness people (like the person who hurt you) get put away every single day. No child should feel any sort of pain/anguish growing up.

From his perspective he was a martyr for sticking it out as long as he did

I hear rumblings of this has well. When his PA first started, he said we (me and him) had been unhappy for 6 months, then it turned to a year, and so on, waaaay back. He has been 'sticking it out' for years, like your H.

a relationship where I was always walking on eggshells always feeling I never did anything right. And you know who did that to me? ME! Instead of GAL, I had LAG (Lost all gumption). Having 180's? No way, I flat-lined!

Yes!! And add to this: I tried to be perfect for everyone and ended up failing everyone, including myself and my H as well.

It's comfortable when I hear his voice, and I feel a stirring of what family means when we talk of the kids

Yes, but it also makes me feel so very lonely too.

I realized lately that I have (and you!) so many happy moments in our days. We need to focus on those, learn from those, and continue to love, honor and cherish, not only our H's, but especially ourselves.

[Gypsy]

Realizations emerge like spring flowers, squiggling in their birth and opening to the sun.

Trust preceded love. With trust I learned I could depend on my husband. The scale tips when I slipped from trusting, depending on my husband to being dependent on him for his approval.

Imagine a caterpiller soothingly wrapped in a cocoon, protected. But something changes. The being within the cocoon doesn't want to leave it. The cocoon feels the need to protect. A push/pull ensues. Growth doesn't happen, stagnation occurs all out of doing something that was once loving.

Eventually the cocoon wears out, tattered and torn. The butterfly finds the reality of light, color too much for the wings that have never stretched, the breeze never felt.

Anyway.. it sounds a little trite, so I'm stopping. A positive relationship that did things for all the right reasons goes overboard. Eventually something pops and reality changes for everyone concerned.

Decimation of the cocoon, flight of the butterfly. Growth and change. Acceptance and awareness. Giving.

I don't hate my husband for what he did. I just have to love myself for who I am.

*hugs*

[grid, lost]

I have realized just how selfish my H has become. What had made him this way, I don't know. But it hurts.

HUGS

[/quote]
Well said and we all second this statement. Your words are the voice of 100s.!
grid,lost

[grid, lost]

I own my joy.

Gypsy,
Well said !!!!!
My H left me for OW after 20 yrs. His departure, 4 line note, plans made for months, all while I was at a Dr. appointment discussing my deep concern about H's well being and mental health issues !!!!
Now that was a real slap in the face....nearly 18 months ago.
I now realize, thank Gypsy, I am still playing the victim.
grid, lost

[jmw128]

The anger, the anguish, the fear will ebb and flow, but I am going to push away embracing them.

I hear ya about the ebb and flow. It is difficult but going to push on with efforts for new job and life for 5D.

I don't need anymore sludge in my life.

that gives me pause to think---a lot---for me, I don't want to feel like sludge anymore. Planning for my future helps. New job I think will really help me. I'd be happier with a "normal day".

gl2u