Every direction leads me away

[Heartbroken]

Hello,

I have been following your sitch and would like to offer my .02...

My H was in his apt when he called it off with the ow - the second time - 12 days after moving into this apt (Mar 2007). The OW started contact once again 3 weeks before he was going to move back home. He flipped back to ow until the end of June and then moved home July 1 - we were doing very very well, bought a boat and was planning on many family outings. At the time I did not know that OW once again contacted H on his bday Sept 2007 and he seemed to be drifitng away once again. We both agreed to Retrouvaille - though I knew nothing of his phone conversations with OW. He just could not let her go - he even filed for D thinking this was going to finally make him happy and a two weeks after filing he told me I needed to go and get the papers - but then the next day he said he still was not sure --he was still not happy.

It turns out (he told me weeks later) that OW wigged out on him and blamed him for ruining her & her kids lives and that he was a monster....

I guess my point is the WAS has to get the OW out of their system before they can really begin working on the M. My H now admits it was the biggest mistake and he apologizes all the time - it's amazing how close we came to ending it all. We still struggle with things and he talks about all the stupid stuff he did but these admissions did not come over night. They need time to come out of the fog some more than others. I got my first ILY on Christmas day - first one in over 18 mos - and we have been growing stronger each day. Now granted OW stopped harrassing us 1/3/08 - but now it turns out my H will be coaching her 4th grader in flag football starting next week - this will be a big test for him. I have no doubts he is over her - but the fears want to creep out.

Sorry for such a long post - just remember it took a long time for your M to end up where it is at and it will take just as long to get in back on solid ground. August will be the 2 year anniversary for my first bomb - and we are still healing. Patience is key...

You are strong and will know what you can handle and how badly you want your M to work. At least you can always say you exhausted all efforts in giving it your best shot. This is a lot more than most people can say...

HB (not so much anymore)