Don't do a tit-for-tat thing, even if it feels like it's the right thing to do right now. Just tell him you want the two of you to put your Ds front and center. Focus on them. The fallout is huge, but you can make it be the best it can be for them. In my sitch, my kids are my number one priority.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09