ISH...your welcome...I do remember those days...him telling me he wanted to marry OW, him telling me they ended things but he still didn't want to come home, he still didn't love me and didn't think he ever would again...it was heart breaking to say the least...you know that all too well...but the main thing to remember is YOU will be okay and YOU and your children will be happy...no matter what H decides to do...just as love is a choice so is happiness...before my H returned I decided I was going to be happy...by myself...if I found someone else or H returned I would still be happy first for me...then with my mate...When H returned I could look him in the eye and tell him that I didn't NEED him anymore...but I did WANT to be with him...
Since we have gotten back together I have maintained my GAL...I go to the gym for myself...I tan for myself...I go out to a movie here and there with friends for myself...before everything in my life revolved around H and then the kids...I won't do that again...I really feel that made me more vulnerable and less able to cope with things when they turned bad...today I am much stronger...more sensitive...more in touch with who I am then I have ever been...so focus on you and the kids and only good things will come of that!
no matter what H decides to do...just as love is a choice so is happiness...before my H returned I decided I was going to be happy...by myself...if I found someone else or H returned I would still be happy first for me...then with my mate...When H returned I could look him in the eye and tell him that I didn't NEED him anymore...but I did WANT to be with him...
I am beginning to feel that I will be happy, no matter how this turns out. I don't want my old marriage back, I want the opportunity to work on a new and improved model with my old friend. If that is not possible I will be at peace and happy with myself.
The wedding ring disappear/reappear is quite interesting to watch. It's not very important right now since he has his one year lease. However, he returned from meeting his sister for church on Sunday without the ring. At dinner time it was back in place.
I've done two 180's recently. The original plan for the start of our "25th Anniversary Vacation" was for us to both go to NYC next Thursday. On Friday we are to meet friends for a dinner cruise around Manhattan in preparation for the vacation proper. He has decided to work on Thursday and travel all day to arrive just 90 minutes before the dinner cruise. I prefer not be rushed so I will be going on Thursday anyway, checking into the hotel, and do not care if he is late for dinner, or nods off during it.
He's flying back from Europe and I will be staying for a while longer. When I finally got around to booking the tickets they had gone up in price. I found an amazing price on a Westbound crossing on the QM2 (less than a non-stop flight) and booked it! I was fully prepared to sail alone, but a friend of long-standing has decided to share my cabin. I would consider this to be GAL in a big way. Three months ago I never would have considered doing these things. Partially because they didn't seem "fair" to H but things have changed.
In about a week I'll be probably going dark on this forum, I'll be thinking of you all and hoping that your DB will be having the results you desire and rightfully deserve. When I return I'll roll up my sleeves and get back to work with my own DB.
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
How I remember those days of total confusion...the ont thing that really helped me the most was focusing on my family and relationships with others...becoming the best person I could...learning not to stress out so much...really taking time to enjoy life...even though my heart was broken...
I can say that even though I tend to be more raw with my emotions (I cry very easily now where before I didn't) I am much stronger...I still make time for ME...I don't feel the need to live my life FOR H but now I live it WITH him...GAL was the best thing I ever did for myself...and for my family...I was pretty absorbed in being a mom and wife...which isn't a bad thing necessarily but if your H heads off on a MLC journey it sure leaves you with nothing...I finally got to the point where I knew I was going to be okay...I had never lived on my own...I had never supported myself...so this was very scary for me...but when I started making it...I knew I didn't NEED H...even though I wanted him...in a way I think this made it easier for his return because the pressure wasn't on him to take care of me...and really he needed someone to take care of him...so as things go things did work out for the best...but I can honestly say had H not returned...my life would be full and happy...I would be enjoying my family and friends...he would have been the big loser!
Ohh goodness.. I live about 90 minutes by train from midtown Manhattan. If I weren't going on my retreat, I'd be GALing and asking if you'd like to meet in the city that never sleeps. Next time you're in NYC, let me know!
How beautiful to be at sea, leisurely too. Don't you find the endless horizon soothing? And traveling too! I spent my junior year of college in Italy and was a winsome wanderer. What a lovely way to experience the emerging you.. with and without your spouse.
Our 25th anniversary is on the 10th, but he never encouraged any celebration. Now I know why! Enjoy and relish the experiences this trip will give you.
My new thought: Respect
Respect myself, Respect those around And embrace those who respect me.
The other thing I've found if that I LISTEN.. (and that includes not talking AT all) boy do I hear a whole lot more!
