Supermom and the Brighter Tomorrow

[JennyF]

I'm feeling spent right now. This week is so draining and it's only Tuesday.
H has been a real jerk. Last night he agreed to do mediation, then somewhere between 5PM last night and 9:30 this morning he said he talked to his L and he doesn't want to now. He said he isn't budging so it has to go to court. That nothing a mediator can say will change his mind. I have no idea what his L is telling him, but he doesn't have a hope in he!! of winning in court. I'm trying to save us both a lot of time and money but he just doesn't get it. He said he would speak to the mediator anyway and she is supposed to be calling him tonight.
She is a really great woman who assured me I'm being more than reasonable in fact generous. I was worried that speaking to me first H might think she was bias so she stopped doing the initial consult (called 'intake') with me and said she try to speak to him to see if she could make a difference.
Tomorrow I have a real estate agent coming to look at the house and give us a ballpark appraisal. Thursday I meet with the bank about some paperwork for the financials plus I have a Dr's appmt because I'm having a lot of pain in my breasts and may be dealing with yeast problems again as I did with my D. I hope not because if that is the case it could cut my nursing short. I know there is a lot I could do with meds and LaLeche League and all that. But I'm losing energy fast. Not to mention weight. Even my new jeans are too big now and I'm getting worried that the nursing is taking a lot out of me. But giving it up also gives H more ammunition to take him overnight.
The thing is that I'm not opposed to H taking him for 1 overnight every 2 weeks, but I can't even give him that until we come to an agreement.
I wonder if H has even told his lawyer about my proposal? I don't think so because if he had I'm pretty sure that his L would tell him it's worth taking.
My goal was to nurse until S was 6 months and that's in 3 weeks so we'll see. Wow. I can't believe it's been 6 months already.

H has been so angry with me and has been making terrible comments about how he is broke and supporting me. I should go back to work. Blah blah blah. I try not to take it personally, but it is difficult at times.
I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed right now.
The good news is that I have one cleaning session left (from my generous sisters gift) and she is coming in the morning. So the house will be in good shape for the real estate agent. I just have a lot of tidying to do tonight and S is just now falling asleep.

Well I better get to tidying...kitty litter is first! Doesn't that sound like fun??
J~