Your feelings will lie to you. Our brains are cave man's brains which will take the most 'efficient' path...the path of least resistance.
This isn't a judgment against you.....but its hard for other folks here who have given it (DB ing) TRULY a long time.... years.... to feel you have really done what needs to be done to save a marriage.
Do you have the RIGHT....to move on....well, maybe. Certainly legally.
Fish....I walked away from my marriage pre-DB. That was 1994. (I came here 2 relationships later). It was 'justified'. He was abusive. Not beating me up, but physically, emotionally, and in other ways. Very demeaning. I had two small children.
Do you think you've found someone with whom you have found eternal happiness? I can tell you, that you are pretty likely to find yourself DB ing that relationship. Or her DB ing you. Or just giving up. Why? Because we carry our ingrained patterns of behavior with us.
I am not sorry I am away from my exH. And yet.....I wish I had the skills way back when....because as 'justified' as my divorce was.....my children have suffered trememdously. And it has been 14 years.
My children have grown up without a father. He is 'in' their lives, but not in their lives.
They ache for that family unit.
And that is the legacy for children.
No matter what they philosophize about their parents' marriages, what they long for is the wholeness of their family....the stability....the hope of their parents making it.
Unfortunately, not matter if the children like your (and your wife's) other partner(s).....all these other partners do is shatter their dreams.
My plea is for you to give it one more try.....of DBing...... with a few suggestions maybe (or maybe not). And to truly wait on another relationship until the fat lady sings.
I wish I had. Not for him. For my kids. It's why I'm here.
Last edited by sgctxok; 04/02/0802:24 AM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001